I Don't Fear Death But I Fear What Comes After

At times I catch myself being afraid of having only myself to rely on. What am I to do if everything I’ve ever loved is dead and gone? Who am I then? Who am I now?...I fear not being able to retire and dying peacefully some place. I fear I will be found on a sidewalk or on a set of stairs useless, cold and dead. I fear I’ll croak while carrying a drink tray. I fear lifting a stool one day and having my arms fall off or being told not to ever return to work someday because I’m too old for the job. What am I to do? Where do I go? ... I fear not being given the proper chance of being something great. I fear self sabotage on the brink of reality; breaking myself down because joy feels unsure and sadness is familiar....I fear Others having a bad day or having their own self pity taken out on me; being unjustly a victim of someone else’s darkness.