I Have No Friends

I never realize how annoying it is to have no friends until my birthday comes around.. My birthday is April 6th and Iv'e never had friends or even a friend want to celebrate with me.. I remember being in grade school and having my "best friends" make lame excuses why they couldn't go. I don't remember a year where I didn't cry on my birthday. Last year my (NOW EX) boyfriend took me to a sleazy motel and just bought me some makeup.. I felt disgusting. At least this year I will be alone by choice, because I am not trying anymore. I am a recluse and will always be this way. Some way to celebrate turning 19, but I feel 99