I Have No Friends

I feel like this is something people dance around and tend to avoid because it’s a subject surrounded by negative stigma. You have no friends, you’re a loser. The kid at the back of the bus who no one wants to sit with. The person who was always picked last when it came to group projects or teams for gym class. The person who felt waves of anxiety whenever you heard the words “group project,” or “find a partner.” The one who sat by themselves in any social setting. Obviously, that person was me. I wasn’t always that way. I had friends in the beginning, but once I entered the 6th grade my friends left me and I was alone. I wasn’t too fond of my classmates and I separated myself from them, and in return they shunned me. I wasn’t completely ignored. Sometimes they’d be friendly and other times it was like I wasn’t even in the classroom. Eventually I became a complete loner, sitting in the halls by myself. I found comfort in being alone. Sure, I would get lonely and sad at times when I had no one to talk to or spend time with, but as the years went on I turned that loneliness into strength. I enjoy my own company and entertain myself. In a way, I’m my own best friend. Quite literally, I have no friends. Some people have tried to approach me, but I’ve distanced myself so much that I close up and shut down their advances of small talk. Not because I’m a prude, but because I honestly don’t know how to act or what to say, besides stand and smile awkwardly. However, I acknowledge that I’m not very friendly or warm to people I don’t know. I don’t want pity or sympathy. In a way I put myself in this situation and I’m not unhappy about it. I don’t actively search for friends outside of the internet, but at this point I only have one person I consider a close friend, and he’s in a different country. Regardless, to those who may be in similar situations, wear that loser title proud. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, at least in my opinion.