I Have to Say It Like It Is Sometimes and Get It Off My Chest

Also I do have dissociative-identity disorder which I only ever talk about usually on a forum for people with that disorder.

But if I was actually some kind of spy in a past life it would explain why I have a sexy alter, a be good homely woman alter, an alter that behaves very childishly, manly alters that like to drink and fight - because all that would be necessary to get close to people and defend myself. It'd explain how I handcuffed two police officers to each other.

It'd explain why I always felt I can afford zero weakness even as a small child, I'd force myself to take cold showers to toughen myself up and other weird things, kept waiting for someone to come and get me because I'm not supposed to be here and kept asking my mum where's my mother with the red hair - which really upset my mum, she eventually died her hair red but I never really bonded with her and she kind of hated me.

So mad or reincarnated my life is still pretty much fucked up by alters and I can't attach to anyone or have a normal life and all I really want is a norm life. And does some long lost libary documents matter anyway. I wouldn't be able to Google that number again. And I wouldn't know who to trust to give it to even if I knew it definitely was important.

"The cat" also said she had different drinks in different countries. I can't remember what they all were now either but I love JD and coke, a Cuban (spiced rum, lime and coke), an old fashioned was a bit strong for me but I always wanted to try one so I did. I can't drink Vodka though because it makes me violent, although I'd only drunk rum and JD when I handcuffed the two police men to each other - I still don't know how I did that, it was really weird. Then I realised there's so much cctv I had to get in the police van and the only reason they let me out was because I said I'd be good and I did them a dance - not a sexy dance, a kids dance and made a proper fool of myself because enforced plastic or not it's more degrading being shut in a box made of plastic than it is to do a stupid dance - I told them that but they said well get out of it then and I looked but they double handcuffed me and I didn't like the idea of forcing the hand cuffs under my feet plus regardless of the plastic box all I'd so far done was smash a pub because they wouldn't serve me and then licked all the mess I made up off the bar - the bar maid told me to wash my fucki mouth out so I punched her in the face and told her to wash hers out and then I went to the toilet washed myself up and sat outside on the floor to smoke a cigarette. Then a pig came, alone, but I was so drunk it didn't occur to me to just walk off until the second one came along and then I was a bit of a nuisance getting the handcuffs on.

Still when I went a bit off on one in a psychiatric hospital the security guy said over his radio "don't worry just us two can handle her" I was tiny back then and I thought "huh OK" and he ended up screaming over his radio "get everyone, get everyone" but he was a reasonably guy, let me sit and smoke a fag, I told him my grievance about the staff trying to make people madder by saying the place was haunted and tapping on the glass and the staff looked guilty and I knew that guy would handle it and I got moved no charges so I guess I've always been a bit fighty. But that doesn't mean I was a spy in a past life, it means I took alot of cold showers, threw a knife for the ability to accurately throw a knife not because I wanted to throw it at anything and when locked up exercised so I was reasonably fit. But the handcuffing the police was weird. I used to play with my uncles handcuffs as a kid with my cousins practicing doing that for hours so actually that explains it.

Anyway mad or reincarnated, does it really matter. Most probably not.