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I Am a Loner

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I am a hard-core loner. By this I mean that I am much more of a loner than probably 99% of people who consider themselves loners.
Most loners have a few close friends or family members they are extremely close to. I have never really had any friends, nor have I felt any lack on this account. I find human companionship utterly unnecessary, and I want to avoid human enmeshment at all costs. Although I have a decent family, too much togetherness even with them can be toxic to me. I need solitude like I need air to breathe. If I can't get my solitude, I will literally lose my mind.
I know I am emotionally incapable of being even a halfway decent spouse or parent. This is one reason I have chosen to never marry or especially have children. I don't want pity here; this is the right choice for me.
I enjoy and even need human interaction in small doses. However, it must be brief. I am not the sort of person who makes a good companion.
I definitely don't want to be in situations where I am dependent on others. I don't want to feel that my welfare is dependent on another person's goodwill. I have been so dependent for so long; perhaps that's why dependency is so repugnant to me. I just want to be in control of my own life and my own body. I will lose my independence if I become too enmeshed with anyone.
I am NOT lonely. I'm a proud loner.
36-40, F
7 replies
Jul 7, 2016
dunpender · 80-89, M
Good for you girl. I have no friends but I do have family
LittleCreates · 26-30, M
Well Good Luck then....

PS: what you say on virtual connection with human beings, like here on SW
:) 👍🏼 born alone and die alone :)
Charlotte · 70-79, F
To each his/her own. Long as you're happy.
FlowerAlchemist · 18-21, T
I think I more or less understand you. I don't like my society, so superficial, so I'm kind of a loner. Still, I want to find someone like me.
I can't get enough privacy that's why I'm insane
MarkPaul · 22-25, M
I used to feel this way. Then, "something" changed and I am finding that my declaration of being free of dependency suddenly became a false condition. Through a life-time of self-chosen solitary confinement, I am adrift with no skills to navigate on a path that teases social interaction. That is what I want, but my lifeline is back in that world of one. So I am faced with the perpetual sadness that not being depended was nothing more than a convenient illusion. I suppose there is some ironic solace that I am not dependent on another human being, but that is no longer enough. Lately, I feel like I am a man between two worlds and that feels pathetic and ultimately tragic.

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