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I Don't Want This To Be The End Of Me

But I think it might be. My baby was unexpectedly born with holes in her heart and a learning disability and I found out today that her operation has been put back. She's stopped gaining weight. I don't know how I'm going to get through another week, let alone a month. Every day is a nightmare, a literal nightmare, watching for signs of her worsening. I don't think I can take this for much longer. I've leaving, I've deactivated all my Facebook, Instagram etc accounts because I can't stand to see everyone else's healthy babies, I just want to go. I want to sleep, I want to go back in time, for somebody to fix it, to take this pain away. I can't do it, I just can't do it anymore. And YES I have help, but it's not helping, nothing is helping and it's terrifying.

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lovingdead · 31-35, M

there is no fix for that, the only way you can get through is go day by day, dont hold stuff in, express yourself, let it out. its hell dealing with stuff like that, and the only thing that ive found that makes hell easier is with others.

Medelan · 31-35, F

@lovingdead it is true hell. I just want to scream

lovingdead · 31-35, M

@Medelan then scream, cry, let it out, go to a junkyard with a baseball bat if possible give em $20 and beat the shit out of something

XReaganX · 26-30, F

I want you to hold on for her. You know, I wasn't supposed to be born. My mom almost lost me on several occasions. It's a legitimate miracle that I'm alive because it was impossible for me to be. Period.

Hold on to her because she's gonna fight like hell to live. Even though she's just a baby. Give her a chance.

helenS · 36-40, F

I can’t even imagine how you must feel. Please stay alive.

Medelan · 31-35, F

@helenS it feels like hell. Like not being here would be preferable, as much as I love her. Like hell.

helenS · 36-40, F

@Medelan Really I don’t know what to say. I would like to say “Stay strong”, but even that feels cold and inapropriate.
There’s only silence.
😞

Medelan · 31-35, F

@helenS yes, you're right.

hertoy · 70-79, M

I'm so sorry...I will pray for you & your baby...

bearinthebigbluehouse · 26-30, M

Fuck me, man. I won't even imagine how much that shit weighs down on your heart. I'd give false hopes and all but damn, some people are just so unlucky with the health system and whatnot. I'd kill someone if it meant my baby could be fixed!!

Medelan · 31-35, F

@bearinthebigbluehouse I'm close. They don't give a shit because she's not "urgent" so to speak, but I'm going mad with fear

Babydoll4life · 22-25, F

Very sorry all your going through

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