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I Am Self Destructive

Im in this mood maybe it’s because of where I am currently living and how people are here.
But when no body likes you because of things you can’t change, you want to like you. It’s the way you go about liking yourself that makes a difference. Mine maybe hurting me more then I want to fully come to terms with and worst part is I’m just watching. I feel like I can no long make the turn back. I feel like I need to hurt myself to be good, to be who I want to be. The thing is to many people it seems I’m fine or doing what’s healthy but in my head I feel so trapped. What started as an honest attempt to being happy turned into a life source for self destruction. I just feel super alone and I’m not sure who I’m supposed to tell. I don’t want to tell my friends or people that I actually seem to be getting along with, what if they’re disappointed or never want to talk to me... I already feel so isolated 😓

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JustGoneNow

I get it. The thing people without clinical Depression will never understand, is that my Depression doesn’t care who’s issues are bigger. It magnifies whatever my problems are until I feel suffocated by them. The person with fatal cancer, that doesn’t suffer clinical depression, might actually be in emotionally better shape then me due to feeling like they can handle their problems even death. Their situation is obviously worse if measuring but my Drepession destroys me emotionally. 🖤

Sagey47 · 26-30, F

@JustGoneNow I understand your thought process. I’m not sure it’s where I am but sometimes in your own sadness it’s hard to see others. Are you getting help for your depression?

JustGoneNow

@Sagey47 Yes. Medication, Dr, & counseling.

JustGoneNow

@Sagey47 I’m a mess but I’m making it. 🖤

Sagey47 · 26-30, F

That’s good@JustGoneNow

Sagey47 · 26-30, F

@JustGoneNow yeah, trust me I know.

JustGoneNow

@Sagey47 Mine was pretty bad.🖤

Sagey47 · 26-30, F

@JustGoneNow what was?

JustGoneNow

@Sagey47 Depression

Sagey47 · 26-30, F

@JustGoneNow why do you think that? We’re you diagnosed with clinical depression and something else?

Sagey47 · 26-30, F

Were *

JustGoneNow

@Sagey47 At the hospital and I have a lot of illness but I don’t want to air it on a public thread. 🖤

Sagey47 · 26-30, F

That’s reasonable, I was just curious if you had other mental things. I see, I’m sorry about that though. I’m wondering because you do not come off as some who is depressed but because you said you were diagnosed I thought maybe there was more to it. The thing is, to be in a place where you need condolence is one thing but to Only see what’s straight infringe of you... that is not a way to live. @JustGoneNow

JustGoneNow

@Sagey47
https://similarworlds.com/4537559-I-Write-Poetry/1805497-Here-are-all-of-my-poems-here-on-SW-I-will-update

JustGoneNow

@Sagey47 I will tell you that my depression is classified as rapid cycle bipolar with manic episodes and am currently in mania. 🖤

Sagey47 · 26-30, F

@JustGoneNow Life beats you up but after being diagnosed with mental issues as well, I think the most comforting thing I learned is that everyone’s shit stinks and to never assume who has more of it. But honestly shit is shit so who really cares who’s stinks more. The least we could do is help each other with our shit, right? Maybe you should look up.

Sagey47 · 26-30, F

@JustGoneNow bipolar disorder is tough.

JustGoneNow

@Sagey47 🖤

JustGoneNow

@JustGoneNow I write my feelings in poetry. Read some in the link above if you like. Be well. 🖤

Sagey47 · 26-30, F

@JustGoneNow I read some. I should share some without too!!! I have to get off my old phone but yeah. I like it, there’s a lot going on it sounds like.

JustGoneNow

@Sagey47 Thank you. 🖤