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I Am Scared of Relationships

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I can't get this off my mind and it's driving me nuts. I'm pretty sure I like this guy. It was a few nights before my 21st birthday. He wanted to see me drunk and said I should stay at his house and we could drink. I ended up doing it. At first, I was nervous, but I ended up drinking with him. It was kinda funny for awhile and then I ended up having a panic attack. The shows we were watching got to me. I told him about stuff that happened when I was little and he was comforting. He slept next to me that night, holding me so I wouldn't hurt myself. I felt so safe laying with him and I felt like he cared, but I was too afraid to do anything. I pretended like I didn't remember what happened in the morning. I wanted to cuddle next to him the next time I saw him, but I was too scared. Now it's been months since then and he has a girlfriend. I'm really jealous of her and want to be alone with him. Not necessarily to do anything, just to talk. I feel so guilty. I wish I would have done something awhile ago, but I was too scared. I'm to scared to tell anybody about that night with him and that I like him.
22-25, F
+ 0 8 replies 46 views Oct 28, 2016 |
Wilbury · 51-55, M
This could gova couple of ways. You could see your night with him as a moment of growth, the night you took some steps towards havingva relationship. You could start obsessing over him and waste years thinking he is the only one and there must be something wrong with you. Pick the first path. It's easier.
kimtin33 · 22-25, F
I like the first one. :)
Fortinbras · 22-25, M
Should've banged him
greenmountaingal · 70-79, F
Most relationships don't last. Stay in touch with him. If he breaks up with his girlfriend, give it a second try and take a risk. It sounds like he really cared about you.
greenmountaingal · 70-79, F
@kimtin33: Why guilty?
kimtin33 · 22-25, F
Not sure. I guess, because then it feels like I don't want him to be happy and I want them to break up.
greenmountaingal · 70-79, F
@kimtin33: If they break up, it's because he wasn't happy or because she wasn't and rejected him. Assuming you are not attempting to disturb their relationship, no need to feel guilty. If you see him, you could ask how it's going. If it's going well, tell him you are so glad he is happy and that she is a lucky woman. That would be OK. You just weren't ready for him yet, that's all and you have nothing to feel guilty about just because you still have some feelings for him.

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