I Am Scared of Relationships
When I am talking to people it just makes me nervous. I think im telling them all of this stuff about me. We formed a connection, right?
Nope because it seems no matter what I do everyone leaves, in real life on the internet. It feels like people take my hand just to throw my of cliffs into waves of emotional instability. Thats what so scary with every person I talk to I can't help but wonder "when will they stop talking to me?".
When no one is there, I feel empty. But when people are there I can't help but feel anxiety about everything that will or wont happen.
I feel for most people talking to me is just a stepping stone until they find a real friend. Then I wonder am I doing the say thing to others.
In some cases I feel like im such a horrible person I don't deserve to live and because of that I am forced to live this life ( i know that doesn't make much sense) with such contradicting feelings.
I feel like people are meant to interact with each other. We are meant to help each other and be there for each other and I can't even do that. I can't even have a proper conversation with anyone and that often leads me to wondering why I am alive if I can't do such basic things. Where can my life go but down hill if I can't even talk to people properly. What am I supposed to do in a world where people are meant to be connected and I can't maintain even one relationship.
Then I think all of this stuff and think back over it and feel stupid because I don’t even think that what I am thinking makes sense but nevertheless it seems I am incapable of separating myself from these feelings, that’s the only thing that is constant in my life is these damned feelings.
Nope because it seems no matter what I do everyone leaves, in real life on the internet. It feels like people take my hand just to throw my of cliffs into waves of emotional instability. Thats what so scary with every person I talk to I can't help but wonder "when will they stop talking to me?".
When no one is there, I feel empty. But when people are there I can't help but feel anxiety about everything that will or wont happen.
I feel for most people talking to me is just a stepping stone until they find a real friend. Then I wonder am I doing the say thing to others.
In some cases I feel like im such a horrible person I don't deserve to live and because of that I am forced to live this life ( i know that doesn't make much sense) with such contradicting feelings.
I feel like people are meant to interact with each other. We are meant to help each other and be there for each other and I can't even do that. I can't even have a proper conversation with anyone and that often leads me to wondering why I am alive if I can't do such basic things. Where can my life go but down hill if I can't even talk to people properly. What am I supposed to do in a world where people are meant to be connected and I can't maintain even one relationship.
Then I think all of this stuff and think back over it and feel stupid because I don’t even think that what I am thinking makes sense but nevertheless it seems I am incapable of separating myself from these feelings, that’s the only thing that is constant in my life is these damned feelings.
