I Am Scared of Relationships

Most of the time I can never tell if I hate people or if im just that scared of relationships because most of the time when I get a chance to form one (platonic) I start to feel (this is kinda mean but what ever) disgust and fear. Sometimes people say one thing and it makes me never want to talk to them again and I hate myself for being so judgmental but other times I think could we be friends? No. they would most likely judge me as others have if I tell them my secrets.

So most of the time in real life I try my best to distance myself from people and when I feel someone may be getting close to me I push them away. I know this probably isn't true with all "friends" but most of them leave or push you aside after the find real friends. At least from my experience