I Am Comfortable With My Sexuality

[center][big]So why can't you be?[/big][/center]

Okay so I've been asked the same question in several different ways over the last couple months since I began talking about my boyfriend ...

[i][b]"I thought you were a lesbian?"[/b][/i]

[i][b][c=#BF0080]*Big sigh*[/c][/b][/i]

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First, I never said that. True, I spent the better part of seven years on EP & SW talking about my feelings toward girls and about several girls in particular and even about one who I thought would be the love of my life. And I've been pretty vocal about my bullshit detector and how testosterone-induced displays of machismo really turn me off. So I get where some of you would think I was *only* into girls.

But that has never been the case. In fact, any time anyone would use the lesbian label on me, I would remind him/her that I’ve never claimed that title.

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[i][b]“Oh, so you’re bisexual then?”[/b][/i]

[i][b][c=#BF0080]*Bigger sigh*[/c][/b][/i]

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Well … you see … idk, maybe I guess? My difficulty with the whole bisexual label has really to do with the assumptions that most people, gay & straight, make about bisexuals.

First, I tried the whole casual, non-committal thing. Sure, Saturday nights were fun, but Sunday mornings always felt empty. My soul was searching for a connection that doesn’t happen without the commitment. Second, I am very much a monogamous person. I tried the whole dating two people at once thing and it did not work at all for me. Both of them were fine with the non-exclusive nature of our relationships, but I wasn’t. I needed more. Next, if I concede to the bisexual label and tell you that I am dating a guy exclusively, then most of you will wonder how I will deal with not having boobs in my life anymore (other than mine, of course). But it’s not like that.

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[i][b]Here, let me try to explain … [/b][/i]

To me, the physicality of a person, his or her reproductive organs, have very little to do with my attraction to them (or lack thereof). I can look at the pics posted on here by @Ambroseguy80 or @AnneHoney and say, yes, this girl is cute or, yeah, that guy is hot … but none of those pics actually turn me on. In fact, pics in general do nothing for me (sorry guys, your dick pics remind me of nothing more than high school biology class – and I didn’t like that class much). Porn videos do little more. At most, they are a curiosity to me. If there isn’t a really good plot that is well laid out before the characters get naked (and how often does *that* happen in porn), then the sex is basically clinical – get me some caffeine, quick!

So what does do it? If it’s not body parts, then what has been the common theme connecting the major relationships of my life? Well, it has to do with that biggest sex organ or them all: the brain.

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Every single person in my life who has succeeded in arousing my body at all (this is a very short list ... many have tried, most have failed), has first connected with my brain. Be interesting, have a life of purpose and intent, have things to talk about, and above all, be positive. Do these things and my brain wants more of you. And if my brain wants more of you, believe me that my body comes attached. Make sense?

So then a few years ago, people began tossing a new label in my direction ...

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[i][b]“Oh, so you’re sapiosexual then?”[/b][/i]

[i][b][c=#BF0080]*Biggest sigh yet*[/c][/b][/i]

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"Regardless of conventional attractiveness"? Hmm ... I'm being honest here, right? Okay, no reason to stop now.

Of course I have a "type" and yes, it starts with an interesting intellect, but it doesn't stop there. I put a lot of time and effort into fitness. I think these bodies that we've been given are an incredible gift and if yours spends most of the day on the couch, we won't ever connect. In saying that, I am NOT seeking to shame anyone. There is someone for everyone (I truly believe this) and my way is not necessarily the right way. It is simply my way. And to me, in a partner, fitness matters.

But I said fitness, not fanatical. If you spend more hours in the gym than you do pursuing your life of purpose and intent, then we will have little to talk about. Life is about balance after all.

Basically, if you need to label me, go right ahead, but please don't ask me to confirm because I won't. I'm just me. I'm comfortable being me and I don't feel the need to fit into any neat little boxes just to conform to the latest label. :)

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[b]About me: [/b]https://similarworlds.com/sarabee1995/info

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pdqsailor1 · 61-69, M

Interesting...

I have been well married for over thirty years... I do a lot of different things and take on some significant projects and my Wife leaves me to this... one of those projects being the rebuild of our boat that took me eight months, six days per week 15-18 hours per day... We are physically into one another and the impetus for this is not from me, she told me long ago that she wanted to be in charge and I agreed... and I am the specific beneficiary of this. I rationalized that Women have the absolute right to security including financial security, to absolute monogamy (the absence of STD's, freedom from worry - meaning really great birth control when it was required - no longer is in our case, the RIGHT to the expectation of a satisfactory outcome each time they engage in intimacy.... and ultimately Women want to exercise control over their lives including intimacy... I figured that if she had her needs assured, that I would want for nothing.. As it turns out fifteen years later, I was absolutely correct. Yes we are absolutely monogamous and she guarantees this be the case outside of my own commitments to her and monogamy.

But what you find attractive is what I find interesting...

I know my IQ, I never discuss it, I do not enter into discussions about it... however, it is impossible to mask it because when situations arise and I arrive at the answers those around me know with pretty tight levels of accuracy what and who they are dealing with as if the number range was tattooed on my forehead.. Its like the capacity of a tank on a boat - some tanks are larger than others.. it is what it is, I did not do anything to get it.. these are the cards we are dealt with...it is a gift I was given and I do not dwell upon it, I use it to do good.. When I was going out with her... I walked into her home and her Mother and sister were playing trivial pursuit... and they immediately stopped and packed up the game - which actually bothered me... saying there was NO way they were going to play if I was in the room. I am not sure why that still bothers me. When I need to be humbled I watch Jeopardy... I like watching Jeopardy.

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@pdqsailor1 There are many measures of intelligence and brain function. I have a theory on it all.

In my not-so-humble opinion, I don't think you (or I) are the recipient of any great gift of intelligence. Instead I see that your aptitude graph spikes in specific areas that our current culture values more than others.

I know someone (a relative actually) who walks around calling himself dumb, unintelligent. And for sure, I would never go to him for math help. BUT, he is able to remember every single face he's ever interacted with, what that person's name is, where that last met, who they are, what they did, etc, etc, etc. This is an aptitude I do not have. I'm terrible with faces.

If we were to test and measure his IQ, he would score low. And the knowledge of that fact causes him to walk around with lower self-esteem when, in fact, his mind is absolutely higher functioning.

And how about the Down's Syndrome person with the EQ many multiples higher than me. Is my mind somehow more "intelligent" because I can calculate differentials? I think not.

I've no evidence of this, but I am convinced that we are all firing the same or similar number of neurons, but that our aptitudes spike in unique and different areas. And the world needs us all.

I am attracted to people who lead lives of purpose and intent; who have goals and work to achieve them; who are interesting to be with. I said nothing about being attracted only to people who's aptitude charts spike in the same or similar areas to mine. Does that make sense??

pdqsailor1 · 61-69, M

@sarabee1995 Yes of course it makes sense.. IQ tests measure two basic types of intelligence, language capability and logic, they are severely biased and they are only one measure and are not as you say in any way definitive. Like you I am not superlative with names or in some cases faces.. my principle strength is analytical capability.. I do NOT need to know things - indeed I suppress knowledge to a high extent when I am considering a problem. I can figure out creative out of the box solutions, typically multiple solutions and I rank them... and can explain why. Some times I find I can do thins I was never trained to do ...by accident I found I was adept at crisis management - I have fought multiple fires, managed life saving situations multiple times, managed physicians care of my elderly Mother to positive effect - multiple times. I can prioritize actions and continuously assess outcomes in real time. I had no idea I had this ability till I was put into the situations multiple times... My Daughter said the last time that I should be declared an honorary fire chief as "this was not your first rodeo".. never entered my mind - I was just doing what needed to be done when it needed to be done. Yes everyone is different and everyone has their role and place.. The principle difference is I that I am aware of my strengths. Another one is I can manage disorder... and function within it.. Remember the TV show McGyver.. a fellow who can make use of the available resources to achieve a satisfactory outcome... I view physical skills such as electrical, fabrics, plumbing, cabinetmaking/carpentry etc. as cerebral exercises that I can figure out in my head... I designed a deck in my head at the store, did the bill of materials in my head and went shopping and before I went to sleep that night it was constructed with virtually zero waste and enough materials to complete the job. I trained my mind to work like an exploded view diagram. Sailing ... is innate, instinctual - the instruments are simply confirmation of what I already am aware of. The boat is an extension of my mind and a tool in my hand. When the power was down in our city because of an ice storm - in my garage there was an unused generator... After it solved our problem and our power was restored I moved it to a friends house and it ran there for almost a week till their problem was solved... His girlfriend was rather grateful to have heat ... She had no sense of humour about being cold or in the dark...I was the beneficiary of a hug... Our Daughters were making popcorn, watching DVD's on the TV as the cable cell phones and internet was out at the time.. Dad was able to take the lemons and make lemonade. For everyone else a problem is a pain in the ass... For me it is simply a puzzle that needs a solution and I like solving puzzles.

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@pdqsailor1 👍