I Always Have to Be the Strong One
It wasn't until recently that I realised my change in behaviour was down to the sheer weight of pressures pushing down on me.
My life is complicated, not hard in a survival way, but hard in a day to day way. Modern society puts so many varying pressures on us that we aren't always aware that they are there.
A few weeks ago I snapped or simply broke. I could take it no more. Work was putting too much pressure on my family life (we all work together), my mum was going through various tests, my dad wasn't coping with this, our busiest time of the year was around the corner and I was worrying about the strain on my wife.
I used to be able to cope with these things then I realised that there was a new concern lurking in the wings, uncertainty. Not uncertainty in myself or those around me, but in the future. The country is trying and failing to extricate itself from Europe, we had just announced an election with no real viable leader as a choice and I had to think about the future security and well being of my family.
Unfortunately, as is often the case, everyone thought I was ok. Nothing felt better than that moment when I called everyone together and told them how I felt.
For one reason or another I have always kept my feelings inside, but I have pledged to honour myself and share them. That is why I am here, it's an escape valve for things that I am scared of sharing with those I love, until I am ready to share these feelings with them.
My life is complicated, not hard in a survival way, but hard in a day to day way. Modern society puts so many varying pressures on us that we aren't always aware that they are there.
A few weeks ago I snapped or simply broke. I could take it no more. Work was putting too much pressure on my family life (we all work together), my mum was going through various tests, my dad wasn't coping with this, our busiest time of the year was around the corner and I was worrying about the strain on my wife.
I used to be able to cope with these things then I realised that there was a new concern lurking in the wings, uncertainty. Not uncertainty in myself or those around me, but in the future. The country is trying and failing to extricate itself from Europe, we had just announced an election with no real viable leader as a choice and I had to think about the future security and well being of my family.
Unfortunately, as is often the case, everyone thought I was ok. Nothing felt better than that moment when I called everyone together and told them how I felt.
For one reason or another I have always kept my feelings inside, but I have pledged to honour myself and share them. That is why I am here, it's an escape valve for things that I am scared of sharing with those I love, until I am ready to share these feelings with them.
41-45, M
