I Am On a Self Improvement Journey
As you could see from my last journal entry, I have just gotten out of a recent relationship. Tomorrow will make it a week that we have been broken up. We talked on the phone yesterday. It was the first time since we had ended things, and we decided that although he needed time to process and develop himself (he was recently out of a divorce, and kind of rushed into something new with me), we didn't want to completely close the door on what could be between us. So he came up with a 3 month time period to process and then, possibly, re-convene. Or not. No pressure, just wherever this time takes us. We'll listen.
At the end of the phone conversation, he left me with the words, "I hope that you will go deep within yourself."
I paused.
At first, I was insulted. I thought, "You're the one that needs to process. Don't put this on me. I'm fine." Then when I heard myself in the last sentence, I realized that was incorrect. There is always something that we can reflect on and improve upon. I realized that I was doing that before I met him, and perhaps within the relationship, I was beginning to forget myself (as I usually do) and I had forgotten that I also have things to continue to process and areas in which I need to continue to grow.
I'm not perfect.
I talked this over with several of my friends. Some said that 3 months is too long of a period. Some thought it was a great opportunity to figure out if this thing has staying power or not. I definitely cycle between the two camps.
All in all, there was one message from a friend that made me feel more hopeful about the subject. In response to the situation, she wrote:
[i]'I'm sorry love! The opportunities are endless. I'm learning how to dream big in this season. I will encourage you to do the same. Open mind, open heart. Don't settle for anything less than everything you deserve!'[/i]
I was so thankful for her words. She reminded me not to forget myself. Just because this relationship is ending, there are so many other things awaiting me if I just continue to reach out, lean into them, and embrace the possibilities. They are all around me, and I will continue to explore and embrace change, even when it scares me because I know that it will make me a better person.
Well, alright. I'm off to the gym now. Trying to get back into the habit. Then I'm heading to a book club that I started with some friends. Hopefully, all goes well, and I'll reflect on it later. Chau for now.
At the end of the phone conversation, he left me with the words, "I hope that you will go deep within yourself."
I paused.
At first, I was insulted. I thought, "You're the one that needs to process. Don't put this on me. I'm fine." Then when I heard myself in the last sentence, I realized that was incorrect. There is always something that we can reflect on and improve upon. I realized that I was doing that before I met him, and perhaps within the relationship, I was beginning to forget myself (as I usually do) and I had forgotten that I also have things to continue to process and areas in which I need to continue to grow.
I'm not perfect.
I talked this over with several of my friends. Some said that 3 months is too long of a period. Some thought it was a great opportunity to figure out if this thing has staying power or not. I definitely cycle between the two camps.
All in all, there was one message from a friend that made me feel more hopeful about the subject. In response to the situation, she wrote:
[i]'I'm sorry love! The opportunities are endless. I'm learning how to dream big in this season. I will encourage you to do the same. Open mind, open heart. Don't settle for anything less than everything you deserve!'[/i]
I was so thankful for her words. She reminded me not to forget myself. Just because this relationship is ending, there are so many other things awaiting me if I just continue to reach out, lean into them, and embrace the possibilities. They are all around me, and I will continue to explore and embrace change, even when it scares me because I know that it will make me a better person.
Well, alright. I'm off to the gym now. Trying to get back into the habit. Then I'm heading to a book club that I started with some friends. Hopefully, all goes well, and I'll reflect on it later. Chau for now.
31-35, F
