I Am Envious

I feel like a horrible person for even saying or thinking this but I’m envious of my friends life like she has it all , the faithful devoted fiancé, two kids , own house own car like to think that I was in a situation like that before and I lost it all, I’m a single mother whose trying to get her life sorted out and it feels like I’m taking baby steps meanwhile she has everything all figured out. Her fiancé stood by her side and now she has 2 kids who are close in age meanwhile my ex husband listened to everyone else and ruined our family and made me get an abortion. I don’t know how to let go because it’s like I’m constantly being reminded how much of a failure I am.