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I Want to Tell You How I Feel

Im Feeling A Little Low Right Now... I just sat in my chair last night.... So fed up with my life ..

Work work work....
It's all I seem to do 
And every day has more and more to do .. 
And yet the things I need to do, go by the wayside ...
I just felt so so fed up with everything .. The way I'm treated by people ....
(in my real life)
Everybody expects me to be there for them 
Everybody thinks "oh mark will do that"

Mum has lined up so many jobs for me this week, I have no idea how I'm gonna fit em all in...
I know all my friends online are missing me, yet I can't seem to find time for them ...
These are the people who care about me ... 
And yet I can't return the love...

It all seems so unfair ...

I sometimes just really want to escape all the shit that's been dealt to me ....

And I can't ever see it ending ...
I really can't 

Day after day after day ....


It's been going on nearly 3 years now,, since dad first had his accident and broke his hip... That's when I stepped in to help ...and now it's ruling my life 

Mum won't have others in to help her 
Work won't employ more staff
And my wife is getting the hump because I'm never around to help her !!!!

As I say .. It's all getting to me .. And nothing anybody is saying is helping... 

I hear all the comments all day that people say 

Get mum to do more
Don't go round there
Just say sod her
Put your foot down and tell her how you feel 
And it goes on and on...

But nothing I say works 

I've really tried to tell her I need some space and time 

And she just nods and says see you tomorrow .. 
It's like im speaking another language to her 

And what if I just "don't go round" 

Then all I'll worry about is her not eating.. Not looking after herself ... Not doing anything ..the dog going hungry .. 

Because she WONT go out or do things herself ... 

I've bearly slept last night .. Just laid there ... Thoughts going round and round and round ....

And I can't see it ending ... 

I can't find a solution ..

Sorry .. I know I'm going on ... 

But I thought I'd just let you all know where I'm at .....
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gem1969
Mark I know its easy for all of us to say but you really have got to start worrying about YOU, I know its not easy, and obviously not in ur nature to turn ur back on others but thrre comes a time you have to think about whats best for you babe! Bedause if you continue to run urself ragged, get so stressed out all the time you are gonna end up being the one ill! End up havin a stroke or wose! Blunt I know but your body will only take so much stress babe . Time to put number 1 first, and stick to it! Big hugs for you babe xxxxx
MarkLovesCoffee · 56-60, M
Thanx Tina .. I know what ya saying ..and as I answered to blues message..who will look after her whilst I'm not ???? ... Honestly, there is nobody else ... She has no friends at all .. I've never once known her to have someone over for tea, she never phones anybody .. She won't have care workers in.. She even stopped the gardener coming round ..because she didn't like his ways .. And now I'm expected to look after the gardens as well !! .. I thought "I know .. I'll just ignore the garden" ... And the grass gets longer and longer and longer .. In the end .. I can't cope with her saying every single day "can u do the garden" ... So I relent ... Because, like everything else ... If I dont do it ... Nobody does .........
gem1969
Mark, god forbid it would, but whos gonna do it all if u have a heart attack or worse!!

There has come a time that merely suggesting she lets in some help is no good. You have to be blunt and tell her she has too. Be4 she finds she hasnt got you! :-(( xxxxx
MarkLovesCoffee · 56-60, M
I know ... I often wonder that exact thing myself .. How would she cope without me ??? ... Honestly .. I have no idea .. She's almost xenophobic ... She won't answer the phone ... The second I open the door to come in or out .. She wants it closed in case "someone gets in" ..

She had chains and locks on all the doors ...all the time .. Even though I have a key .. I can't let myself into the house .. She puts the chain on the second I leave .. I have to wait for her to admit me into the house ... So what's the point of me even having a key ???????
She doesn't even pull her duvet over her bed when she gets out of bed in the morning .. She doesn't do her washing ... Cause that means going into the garden .. And someone might get her or something ... Oh god knows what I'm gonna do with her ... I really don't know !!!!!
gem1969
It doesn't really matter what any of us say to you gabe cus your a good man a dutiful son and you wont let her down. You have to get to that point urself wen u finally snap and say enough is enough! In the mean time we are all here for you to rant away at xxxxx
gem1969
Babe* oops
MarkLovesCoffee · 56-60, M
Ty xxx it's good to know xxxx mark xx