I Am Depressed

I haven't been on in awhile because, well you read the title. The struggle is real, the talk of the big move is getting to me, my friend is constantly nagging at me and being depressed. I can't afford to feel depressed, but maybe I deserve it.. I'm not good at talking about my problems.

It all started when I wanted shrimp poppers. Sounds silly, but I didn't want to cook them using that cooker thing we have and microwave had a 50% chance of food poisoning. But I'm afraid, call me stupid if you want, I'm afraid that if my family sees this I can use it and they'll see not as dependent as I let on... then they're abandon me. I just – I'm irrationally afraid of it.. my narc dad always threatened to send me away or abandon me, then a very close friend abandoned me and now it seems like everyone is trying to get rid of me. Did I do something wrong? I know I live more in my head than reality, but... I.. im not diagnosed with depression or anything else, just anxiety and ADHD.

everyone around me is always so depressed, I try to look on the bright side, but the bright side isn't looks so shimmering anymore.

Now I'm risky and I want to just chance it, if I do get food poisoning at least someone will care.