Not Sure I Have What It Takes

When I was young (early 20s), I left my hometown with nothing but a duffel bag of belongings. I drove to a city 5 hours away and started my life over. I lived in my car until I had enough money saved to get an apartment. I lived in that city for 4 years and it was the best time of my life.

Now though...I'm 40 years old and I have a fiance, two fairly high-maintenance pets, and no job (not for lack of looking for one). The idea of just driving to a new city and living in my car, while tempting, just isn't doable at this stage of my life.

I'm unsure of how I will fix my life. But the plan in my mind so far is to return to my old city as soon as an apartment becomes available, work hard and save up as much as I can. Perhaps learn a trade while I am there. Then once I feel stable enough, perhaps move further north, to Pittsburgh.

I don't know how I will manage all of this, especially with my chronic illnesses which make life very exhausting. But I do know that I don't want my life from here on to just be wasted in some rural shit hole. So all I can do is earnestly [i]try[/i] for something better.