This is really accurate but I never thought I'd experience all this.

That would explain so much about myself, since it seems like my mother is a (bit of a) narcissist. She always plays the victim and hurls abuse when nobody's around, blaming me and my siblings (although I'm the one who usually gets screamed at) for her being stressed, and just generally have to be an emotional/verbal punching bag should I do even one thing slightly "wrong" by her arbitrary standards. I've never felt like I fit into the world, like I don't understand it and it doesn't understand me - nor does it seem to want to. But I guess there would be other explanations for it too.

But above all else, I fear becoming like her. I know I'm broken, probably beyond any sort of repair, and I feel like I'm too self-centred (hence the interminable use of 'I').

I apologise both for the length of this comment and the fact that it's taking up space on your post when it should probably be a post in its own right. In fact I will make it a post.