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I Was In A Toxic Relationship

As a kid, I always imagined that a broken heart was a joke and that people were exaggerating. I now realize that it hurts bad. It hurts like a *****.

This post is a rant.

I've reached a point where I'm done with relationships and trusting people altogether.

I don't get one thing though. Why hurt and play with a person who did nothing to you? My ex burned 4 years of my life. I thought she was the one and got in a long distance relationship with her to realize that I was never loved at all at the end of 4 years. I was dumped a million times in 4 years but I never left her side. I never wanted to see her hurt and despite everything I fought to be with her but at the end of 4 years this is what I was told "Our Interests are different. I tried working out with you but I guess I can't do it anymore." Wow that after 4 f****** years. The irony is she only stayed with me because her ex and I shared the same race but I was just the unsuitable replacement.

Well I still tried to be with her and she left me as she didn't want me anymore. I tried working it out despite her ghosting me. But I had to drop it when I realized she didn't want me anymore.

Since she didn't want me anymore. I stayed out. You think she'd let me be happy? Nope. She wished me on my birthday for no reason. Again I ignored her to keep my sanity. She still wouldn't stop. She apologized for the "way she left me" because she was "hurt". I ignored her again to just get a call from her. She goes back to being lovey dovey and tells me she loves me to just dump me again the next f****** day. That was the best start of 2020 tbh. Just when I was getting better, I got presented with that.

Now 6 months after that, I got a bit better. Despite having panic attacks and anxiety attacks, I was getting a bit better. Not a lot but some progress from the last one. She contacts me again to "talk". She tells me that she married a few months after leaving me and texted me when "I love you" in January after her abusive husband was beating her. Ironically she texted me in a lovey dovey manner at that time and even during her birthday when she was with him. Yet I am the idiot who wished her.

Seriously F*** me. I'm done with all of this shit altogether. Thanks for f****** me all over again. I hope you stay happy for the way you love breaking me. F*** you.

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rckt148 · 61-69, M

I feel ya ,,
I refused to speak to my ex for 7 yrs (it took her 8 yrs to get up the courage to face me )
When I finally agreed to speak with her so we could attend a family event together I knew I was risking going back to square one .
We go out ,hug and kiss ,she tells me she never stopped loving me for a second .
Tells me what a huge mistake she made ,asking how can I still love her after the way she did me ,she wants me back .
But I am scared ,I don't want to be crushed again .
And just when I am ready to ask her to marry me and leave the jerk ,
She says ,I need to give him one more chance ,for his kids sake .

I want her to be happy ,but I knew I should have left this alone .
What if he wakes up to what a great woman he is loosing
and actually steps up and starts acting like a Dad to his kids ?

She works all the time but has nothing ,if she wants to see her family she needs someone to give her gas money .buys prepaid phone cards .

She never worked when she was with me ,she had a phone that cost me $180,00 a month ,I seen she was at every family event ,hers and mine .
I helped her parents when they needed help ,I worked on their cars and homes .
and now she says she wants me back ,but will feel guilty if she does not at least give him a chance ,she left him before .

I hope I have not messed up by seeing her ,she gave me hope we would end up back together .she didn't give me a chance to fix things (well she kind of did )
But I feel ya ,nothing hurts like a broken heart .
I have been shot ,stabbed ,my face kicked apart ,back surgery ,a power tool cut a trench into my leg requiring surgery ,burned to the bone .
I would endure all of that at one time ,to never endure a broken heart again .

Beatbox34 · 31-35, M

@rckt148 I really do agree. I've dealt with more pain. I have been in accidents and have broken a bone. But this got to me. I ended up broken last year. I had times where I couldn't breathe and I was completely depressed. This affected me more than anything ever did in my life.

I guess I underestimated the pain of a broken heart.

I'm sorry to hear you had to deal with all that. I hope nobody has to deal with this.