I Was In A Toxic Relationship

As a kid, I always imagined that a broken heart was a joke and that people were exaggerating. I now realize that it hurts bad. It hurts like a *****.

This post is a rant.

I've reached a point where I'm done with relationships and trusting people altogether.

I don't get one thing though. Why hurt and play with a person who did nothing to you? My ex burned 4 years of my life. I thought she was the one and got in a long distance relationship with her to realize that I was never loved at all at the end of 4 years. I was dumped a million times in 4 years but I never left her side. I never wanted to see her hurt and despite everything I fought to be with her but at the end of 4 years this is what I was told "Our Interests are different. I tried working out with you but I guess I can't do it anymore." Wow that after 4 f****** years. The irony is she only stayed with me because her ex and I shared the same race but I was just the unsuitable replacement.

Well I still tried to be with her and she left me as she didn't want me anymore. I tried working it out despite her ghosting me. But I had to drop it when I realized she didn't want me anymore.

Since she didn't want me anymore. I stayed out. You think she'd let me be happy? Nope. She wished me on my birthday for no reason. Again I ignored her to keep my sanity. She still wouldn't stop. She apologized for the "way she left me" because she was "hurt". I ignored her again to just get a call from her. She goes back to being lovey dovey and tells me she loves me to just dump me again the next f****** day. That was the best start of 2020 tbh. Just when I was getting better, I got presented with that.

Now 6 months after that, I got a bit better. Despite having panic attacks and anxiety attacks, I was getting a bit better. Not a lot but some progress from the last one. She contacts me again to "talk". She tells me that she married a few months after leaving me and texted me when "I love you" in January after her abusive husband was beating her. Ironically she texted me in a lovey dovey manner at that time and even during her birthday when she was with him. Yet I am the idiot who wished her.

Seriously F*** me. I'm done with all of this shit altogether. Thanks for f****** me all over again. I hope you stay happy for the way you love breaking me. F*** you.

Ryannnnnn · 31-35, M

Oh man the worst for me took me 3-4 years to really get over. 2 of which I was in a terrible state. I had to block them on everything and remove them from my life entirely. I see things more clearly now 5-6 years down the line, but yeah it's no joke man. You'll get through it, just takes time and keep yourself busy.

Beatbox34 · 31-35, M

@Ryannnnnn Thank you for that. Its like clockwork. She's round the corner when I'm just starting to make progress and disappears when I'm down.

I finally blocked all her shit. I had deleted all my socials after the breakup. The only social media I'm on is this and reddit. She has no idea I'm on those as it's not possible to find me. But I just need to get it out. Her actions spoke volumes now.

LadyGrace ·

@Beatbox34 And....as a narcissist, she won't let you go easily, though she drove you off. They feed off your emotions and reactions. You are her "fix". Never feed into her, no matter what. Absolutely no communication or reaction at all. That is crucial. She'll try over and over. Never give in. Or you'll never get rid of her. Never believe emergency situations when it comes from her. They are emotional blackmailers. Never give in. They never change. NEVER give into the threat they'll KILL THEMSELVES. They love themselves way too much to do that. Their alter ego would never allow it. But should they decide to, that would never be your fault. They were nuts to begin with, with problems a mile long, from years back. WAY before you.