[b]Dreams[/b] are sometimes beautiful things. Other times are surprising, exciting, wonderful, scary, dangerous, some dreams are just fantasies, some dreams come true. They can take you to places you never knew existed. Take you to heights far beyond your imagination. Make you feel things you never felt before. Make you feel alive, when in fact your dreaming.
But my life was the other way around. Yes, I had a very complicated existence. Sometimes I wished to have a [b]normal life[/b], free of dangers, magical,less misunderstandings. And that was what I lacked, a normal life. I was just a woman who always wished to be happy, someone with a goal, with a dream. But when I got to be someone important, I wished to be the person I was before. I don't blame you if you think I'm weird or anything. It's just that, I never knew how happy I was, or how important I was, until my dream became a reality.
Sometimes dreaming might be dangerous, you never know. Just need to be careful with what you wish for, with what you dream of, sometimes what you dream of, isn't really what you want.
But dead people don't dream. Not exactly. I followed my dream, but the prize, was my life.
I think way back, of the things I had, the people I knew, the things I owned, back to the people I loved. I lost all that.
But I still remember her to the last minute detail. Sometimes, I remember her; forty-nine-year-old woman that stole my heart, the way she used to hold me when I was depressed, the way she used to place her hand over my shoulder and hold it gently, or I remember how sleepy she felt when I would stroke her hair, or just twirl her locks around my fingers, how she used to make me smile when she said sweet nothings, her dewy lips barely touching my ear, oh, those huge soul searching eyes, so blue and deep, and when she used to kiss me. I still blush when I think of that, I could kiss a hundred girls, but I would never mistake her kisses. Never. How her mouth would press so sensuously against mine, how it could make me swell with pleasure, passion running rampant through my veins.[b] She is her[/b]. The best way to describe her. There are no words better than that.
Even though she can't see me, or hear me, and less of all touch me, I know she thinks of me, remembers me, just as I do. I'll love this forty- nine-year-old woman for eternity... , no matter how many mountains block our way, it just doesn't matter. I love her tender hugs. And I know she does, too.
Stupid dreams. I wake up every night, sweat covering me from head to toe. Dreams are not the same they used to be. You can't really call them dreams anymore. They are far too painful to be called like that. They make me feel so damn alive, but it all vanishes the moment my eyes open.
When I'm dreaming all feels so beautiful. I see my entire life fly by like a precious lucky marvel. I relish those happy times when I had a beautiful woman in my arms, when I heard her laugh, the sound like soft silver bells, when she gave her special I-know-something-you-don't smile... I remember the calming effect it had on me.
Forty nine years old, my lover. Oh, but my body ached when I remember how she used to hug me, holding me into her sweet and warm embrace, welcoming me in her sweet arms, caressing my hair, as she tousled it playfully. How she managed to massage my shoulders every time she returned home after school. How she used to hold my face between her slender hands, and tell me reassuring words, kiss my eyes, my cheeks, every time I felt lost and alone. My heart ached at the thought of her lips, and her honey kisses. There are no words, just, the most wonderful feeling in the world.
Oh, my sweet, sweet Queen, how I miss you. People always tell me to forget you, that you are in a better place. Are they insane or what!? They just don't know love.. No, not at all.
She was everything to me but they said she was too old. I always tried to think positive, everything will be fine, just fine.
I can't recall very well what happened that day. That painful day, when the sky was dark, and the air was cold, the day when everyone turned against us, when you got hurt. The day when doom came, when the hell came to earth, when the planet choked it's pain, the day I lost you, my love. What really happened will remain a mystery to me. But what I do know, is that it was my fault, I wasn't strong enough, fast enough to save you. Hell, I don't even know how it happened. One moment I was telling you to be careful, that I had the feeling something was going to happen, and in the blink of an eye, I saw them taking you away from me, your face tear-stained, your eyes closed, your beautiful hair, spread wide in disarray as you wept, trying to reach back for me with your hands.
[b]You were gone.[/b]
[i][u]My heart's being filled with an enormous void since then.[/u][/i]
Oh, sweetheart, how I wish you could hear me. How I wish you were here with me. I miss you, my woman. My home, well, what's left of it, since you were part of it, is dark and somber. I can't concentrate at work .
But... [b]I love you.[/b]
When I dream at night I can hear your quiet voice in my ear: "Someday, somehow, we'll be together again. I assure you. I hear you, I can hear everything, everything you say, everything you think. You don't know how many times I've tried to answer back, to tell you I'm fine. You can't imagine, how much I've tried, with no luck, to be with you, to be there for you, to tell you I miss you, to tell you... how much I love you."
How long has it been since I've lost you? Oh love, I can't wait any longer, why can't someone take my life, and do whatever he pleases, to shake the hell out of me, to stab my broken heart with a knife. I don't care! I want to die! I want to be with you! I don't know how much I can resist. I need you with me, you are part of me.
What wrong have I done to deserve this!?! I've always loved you. So what if you were forty nine years old. I LOVED YOU.
But no matter what happens, I know that someday, no matter how far, we'll reunite again. Wait for me, my Love.
