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I Am Trying Hard To Remain Hopeful Right Now

So I have been trying to remain positive but it's very difficult. I have been working hard and saving up - while riding a motorcycle this summer, and my intentions were to buy a truck or car when winter approached, with the money I managed to save during the summer.
Well - someone stole my motorcycle and I'm now caught EXACTLY where I was 6 months ago, but now without the money for a motorcycle. I can buy another one, but then I don't have any money to run the business (construction) and I also cannot GET to the places where I do the work. I have already been getting by learning how to pack everything into a backpack and this is just such a kick in the crotch.

The double kick is the fact that I just learned my insurance DOES NOT COVER THEFT!!! For real? I don't know why I even HAVE insurance because it NEVER pays - they only charge money.

I have been trying so hard to be helpful, honest, and a good citizen. It NEVER comes back around though. I mean, it might for a kind phrase or word from a neighbor - but people never want to genuinely help....

I am a poor person, yet I can list times I have been robbed or otherwise taken advantage of - and I can add up at least $15K like that, and it's just so hard to convince myself that I need to stay on this path - being a good person and caring for others. I feel like people SAY they like it, and they treat me kindly, but only essentially while I am doing something nice for them. As soon as I'm not, they have no interest or genuine concern if my life is very difficult; and no motivation to connect with me in any way.

I want to keep being a good person. I like feeling helpful and good - but I have to admit - my life was MUCH MUCH better when I was selfish, greedy, and a drug dealer. Sure - I was actively harming the country - but did it make life bad? No - it made life orders of magnitude better than it is now.

I just don't know what to do. Insurance doesn't cover it of course - apparently it's mostly legal to steal a vehicle. I literally am having trouble. I wish I'd just pass out or something....
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Fungirlmmm · 51-55, F
I hope it is found and returned.