I Am a Girl In Love With a Girl
I'm a bisexual. One of the things that bug me is when people say that I'm too young to know or just the blatant 'no your not'.
When I was in nursery I had a 'puppy crush' on my friend Holly and it confused me because I thought girls were only supposed to like boys, so I actually asked my mom why I was so weird when she picked me up and she explains in very simple terms (I was 3) that there are different kinds of love. That I can love my friends, family, and teddy, and that they are different but still love so I wasn't weird at all.
The subject never really crossed my mind after that, I just accepted the answer and didn't think anything more of it, until primary school (i was 5-ish) when my friend Kira said that she liked me like we were supposed to like boys and she said that her nan told her I'd hate her if she told me but I told her I still like her as my friend and I didn't mind but that I was sorry I didn't feel like that with her. Unfortunately, kids eavesdrop and rumours spread like wildfire. Kira and me got picked on a LOT, her for being a 'freak' and me for being her friend. Kira had to move school because it was all effecting her so bad but once she moved everyone was ok with me again and I got a new group of friends and everything was OK, I still think about Kira now sometimes because she really was my beast friend and I couldn't protect her.
My dad took me to Butlins when I was 11 for 2 weeks, before I started high school and I met a really nice girl named Georgina who I made friends with really quickly. As soon as we met we did everything together, and I mean everything. We got our dad's to agree to us spending the holiday together and it was just so much fun, we sleept over each others shallets a bit too and one night we decided that if we could go away and start somewhere new that we'd be sisters and we came up with new names. It took all night and the next day to make up our mind but finally we came up with her being Natasha Kyle and me being Amanda Kyle.
She and her dad leaft the day before us and it was really hard, we did keep in touch for a year after but it didn't last. I didn't forget her when if she did me.
This actually played a huge part in me figuring out myself and I didn't give up on the whole changing my name to Amanda until third year high school.
In year 8 (second year, I was 13) a conversation came up twice in science class about who we had crushes on, now I wasn't exactly popular but my science class mates were nice to me and I told them I'm bisexual because I liked girl as well, even though I wasn't the slightest bit interested in boys at all, exept as friends, and they were all ok with that and two of them said it was sweet which was a completely different reaction to what i'd experienced when i was younger and I felt more.. Ok with being me and it actually didn't spread very far so I was happy with that, people still made fun of me but it didn't make it any worse.
At the end of year 8 (I was 14) it came out that I had a crush on a girl called Cara. It was actually pretty obvious since I got her expensive jewlery for valantines and her birthday but she figured that I was just a nice person and nothing more to it and I was happy with that because I was still scared of others hating me like that did Kira.
I actually didn't know that it was figured out, until after lunch time (which I spend indoors because I'm a bit socially awkward) when we were all lining up for assembly and everyone was asking 'is it true' 'are you a lesbo' and so on and I thought I was gonna faint, I really did, I just shied away in my place in line and Cara snuck over into my line and asked me if it was true, did I have a crush on her and then she said' I'm not mad at you or anything Emms, I just wanna know' so I noded and she hugged me but was then yelled at to get back to her line.
She was nice to me anyway but after she/everyone found out she was really nice to me and her friend Emily who was never nice to me actually started to be my friend and they both thought it was funny how easily embarrassed I got around them, especialy after Emily said that I'm cute when i smile. Cara's boyfriend was a bit nasty to me but he always got an earfull because of it and we were actually OK friends even when we stopped being in the same classes if she saw me she make a point to say hi and make sure I was OK and happy with everything and Tony (who was my friend since the beginning of year 8) and even up till sixth form (last school year).
That may all seem irrelevant to some but it all meant a lot to me, and the whole Tony situation is for a different time i think.
I'm happily in a relationship with my girlfriend Hadia and we've been together for 4 years now, there are also a lot of issues people have with her because she's a Muslim so we get a lot of comments when were together in town or something but the point is I'm happy and I just wanted to share my story with you all.
Thank you for taking the time to read it.
Update:// I’m Asexual. I’m still Bi though, I just didn’t know there was a term for ‘Bisexual without the sexual’
When I was in nursery I had a 'puppy crush' on my friend Holly and it confused me because I thought girls were only supposed to like boys, so I actually asked my mom why I was so weird when she picked me up and she explains in very simple terms (I was 3) that there are different kinds of love. That I can love my friends, family, and teddy, and that they are different but still love so I wasn't weird at all.
The subject never really crossed my mind after that, I just accepted the answer and didn't think anything more of it, until primary school (i was 5-ish) when my friend Kira said that she liked me like we were supposed to like boys and she said that her nan told her I'd hate her if she told me but I told her I still like her as my friend and I didn't mind but that I was sorry I didn't feel like that with her. Unfortunately, kids eavesdrop and rumours spread like wildfire. Kira and me got picked on a LOT, her for being a 'freak' and me for being her friend. Kira had to move school because it was all effecting her so bad but once she moved everyone was ok with me again and I got a new group of friends and everything was OK, I still think about Kira now sometimes because she really was my beast friend and I couldn't protect her.
My dad took me to Butlins when I was 11 for 2 weeks, before I started high school and I met a really nice girl named Georgina who I made friends with really quickly. As soon as we met we did everything together, and I mean everything. We got our dad's to agree to us spending the holiday together and it was just so much fun, we sleept over each others shallets a bit too and one night we decided that if we could go away and start somewhere new that we'd be sisters and we came up with new names. It took all night and the next day to make up our mind but finally we came up with her being Natasha Kyle and me being Amanda Kyle.
She and her dad leaft the day before us and it was really hard, we did keep in touch for a year after but it didn't last. I didn't forget her when if she did me.
This actually played a huge part in me figuring out myself and I didn't give up on the whole changing my name to Amanda until third year high school.
In year 8 (second year, I was 13) a conversation came up twice in science class about who we had crushes on, now I wasn't exactly popular but my science class mates were nice to me and I told them I'm bisexual because I liked girl as well, even though I wasn't the slightest bit interested in boys at all, exept as friends, and they were all ok with that and two of them said it was sweet which was a completely different reaction to what i'd experienced when i was younger and I felt more.. Ok with being me and it actually didn't spread very far so I was happy with that, people still made fun of me but it didn't make it any worse.
At the end of year 8 (I was 14) it came out that I had a crush on a girl called Cara. It was actually pretty obvious since I got her expensive jewlery for valantines and her birthday but she figured that I was just a nice person and nothing more to it and I was happy with that because I was still scared of others hating me like that did Kira.
I actually didn't know that it was figured out, until after lunch time (which I spend indoors because I'm a bit socially awkward) when we were all lining up for assembly and everyone was asking 'is it true' 'are you a lesbo' and so on and I thought I was gonna faint, I really did, I just shied away in my place in line and Cara snuck over into my line and asked me if it was true, did I have a crush on her and then she said' I'm not mad at you or anything Emms, I just wanna know' so I noded and she hugged me but was then yelled at to get back to her line.
She was nice to me anyway but after she/everyone found out she was really nice to me and her friend Emily who was never nice to me actually started to be my friend and they both thought it was funny how easily embarrassed I got around them, especialy after Emily said that I'm cute when i smile. Cara's boyfriend was a bit nasty to me but he always got an earfull because of it and we were actually OK friends even when we stopped being in the same classes if she saw me she make a point to say hi and make sure I was OK and happy with everything and Tony (who was my friend since the beginning of year 8) and even up till sixth form (last school year).
That may all seem irrelevant to some but it all meant a lot to me, and the whole Tony situation is for a different time i think.
I'm happily in a relationship with my girlfriend Hadia and we've been together for 4 years now, there are also a lot of issues people have with her because she's a Muslim so we get a lot of comments when were together in town or something but the point is I'm happy and I just wanted to share my story with you all.
Thank you for taking the time to read it.
Update:// I’m Asexual. I’m still Bi though, I just didn’t know there was a term for ‘Bisexual without the sexual’
