I Lack a Sense of Family With My Family

I've never been able to understand my family and my family doesn't understand me.

Tonight I was pressured into keeping my child. I'm 26 weeks pregnant and have plans to put my baby up for adoption. And my brother, the same brother who has talked behind my back and told me I'm careless at taking care of my dog and has been just downright bipolar/disrespectful, had called me to have a deep conversation with me about giving him my baby so him and his wife can adopt it.


I don't want that. My family hasn't been a family to me for the past few years. The reason why I would rather have strangers adopt my child rather than my family is because;

* I won't have the guilt of seeing my child in someone else's arms aka my own brother.

*A stranger/adoptive family won't backfire at me years later and tell me something that I should've kept my child. I know my brother would do this.

*An adoptive family has never made me feel worthless like the way my brother has.

*An adoptive family isn't think about themselves but for the best interest for me and most importantly the baby.

I can go on and on about it, and I'm losing my mind here because I don't know why I'm suddenly wanting to change my mind about giving my own brother that I despise sometimes my baby. I really need help and don't know who to talk to. That's why I write on here.