I Had A Mental Breakdown
Last night I lost my mind. A single text set me off and I blew way up. I should have won an academy award for the psychotic performance I was giving. Now that I know I pretty much don't have any real friends or have been replaced it is understandable as to why I flipped out. I was asked if I wanted to hang out with a "friend" and my replacement last night. I said I couldn't as I had work early in the morning. No response until later that said Okay we got pizza and went to the liquor store. Well thanks for bragging and then later on taking all your best friends forever photos. Ugh no offense I may have taken it wrong but I felt like an after thought. Almost a pity invite because those two are so darn close now. It's been like this for awhile now where I feel like an afterthought or a last minute grab because better plans fell through.
I kept repeating over and over again I'm sick of being an afterthought while pacing my room. I kept getting louder and louder and then I began screaming and growling out of frustration and anger. I was saying things about how I'm not wanted by anyone and I am not third wheeling. I know when and where I'm not wanted and I'm tired of being the backup plan. I may or may not have thrown a pillow or two. I may or may not have punched the mattress. I may or may not have screamed while walking down the hall to the bathroom to get water as I screamed my throat sore and dry.
Worst of all I didn't have any damn k to calm me down, which made me extra crazy.
I mean it's not the first time I've succumbed to this level of insanity. Around the beginning of the year I pulled a similar stunt except I kept repeating the past is all I have, I have no future. This is why I live in the past because it's all I have. Cry cry cry, scream scream and scream. Hell I even had an episode while I was still in university. I never really got this bad until junior year of highschool I want to say. That was when I had my first real freak out.
I'm going to stop talking. I've probably just outed myself as the local nutcase.
I kept repeating over and over again I'm sick of being an afterthought while pacing my room. I kept getting louder and louder and then I began screaming and growling out of frustration and anger. I was saying things about how I'm not wanted by anyone and I am not third wheeling. I know when and where I'm not wanted and I'm tired of being the backup plan. I may or may not have thrown a pillow or two. I may or may not have punched the mattress. I may or may not have screamed while walking down the hall to the bathroom to get water as I screamed my throat sore and dry.
Worst of all I didn't have any damn k to calm me down, which made me extra crazy.
I mean it's not the first time I've succumbed to this level of insanity. Around the beginning of the year I pulled a similar stunt except I kept repeating the past is all I have, I have no future. This is why I live in the past because it's all I have. Cry cry cry, scream scream and scream. Hell I even had an episode while I was still in university. I never really got this bad until junior year of highschool I want to say. That was when I had my first real freak out.
I'm going to stop talking. I've probably just outed myself as the local nutcase.
31-35, M
