I Have Something to Say

There are so many things I want to tell you, explain to you... ask of you.
But I hold back, refrain from uttering a word.

For I know the pain you so jealously guard behind that shell for your heart;
Keeping it in with that shell of cold, chiseled, brittle stone.

And I know that my voice will be as a javelin speeding towards its target,
and intention or not, I know it will do you much harm.

So I sit here, playing with these thoughts, knowing I cannot get them to you without hurting you.. Knowing that nobody will ever know what truly happened between us.. Knowing that I am alone in feeling this, and that nobody will understand what I struggle to explain.

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SoFine · 46-50, F

To release that holds and binds.
Your mind is they key, you hold you in, you keep you trapped.
Why?
The EGO could be, the one to hold onto the illusions of having caused pain.
When we have caused pain, we have no idea how the other person is holding onto to it. So you make it up, to feel more guilt. To feel more guilt again is the EGO giving itself a reason to exist.

To rob you of the joy of each moment is your choice to suffer. As in each moment the past does not exist, you recall it back by dwelling on it.

(How they are doing, you can guess, that is all. They know how they are doing, you don't, you can guess that is all.)

To guess is not living, to live is to be here and now, with what is in front of you.

The rest all the mind thinking, is just mind thinking, that rob's you of you.

Quote for you:
Silent thought, is, after all, the mightiest agent in human affairs.—Channing.

Samael

Of course, to claim to know how someone else is thinking is foolish.

But again, of course, sometimes I guess. Why would I guess? To try to understand. What gives me reason to guess? You notice how they treat you differently, you notice the faded colour of their eyes when your eyes meet. Of course it's a guess, but an educated one at that.

Unless you are one of those people who can hurt others (particularly those you are very close with) without a second thought and just live in the 'present' where - since you don't dwell on it - it doesn't exist in your mind, I don't think that dwelling on such things robs you of 'living', rather, it enhances it. You realise that perhaps what you did wasn't right, you think that maybe there is something you could do, something to better yourself.

Guessing is a part of living. Being in the present more often than not, bores me. In some ways, this is more entertaining than the present world in which I live.

All of this is not to say I don't appreciate what you said; I appreciate it a lot. I just cannot agree with it. (And I'm in a argumentative state so, sorry about that)

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