I Lost Myself, Found Myself, Then Lost Myself
Anyone know of a painless way to go?
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Specialyouare · 31-35, F
I’m not going to sit here and tell you that you need help or to see a professional. I’m here to tell you that you are so SMART you see through the bullshit of what life inevitably IS. There is nothing wrong with you. Now... I know exactly how you feel, because your thoughts are the same thoughts I have had myself.
You know the...
No one cares.
Why keep trying.
Nothing is ever good enough for anyone.
I give all my love and in return I’m spat at in my face.
Then I realized. People, people are like that. We have a false expectation in our heads that people were kind, honest, fair, reciprocal. Well that’s a lie. Period. Humans LIKE or DON’T LIKE what we perceive with our five senses and we WANT... that is all. Us humans have an EGO so big we seek praise, possession, and control. We want to control what people do and say.
“My boyfriend stood me up and didn’t call me, he shouldn’t be that way!”
“People should say nice words to me, not treat me like shit.”
And when we can’t control what people say and do... damn our ego and desire for control goes CRAZY. Let people seek YOU out. I used to be the one always looking to call and text others. Now? Now I say... fuck it... if someone wants to see me THEY text me and if I want to reply I will, if not.. I won’t. Can we be the ones to congratulate ourselves for our efforts despite the voices around us that tell us we’re too slow, too lazy, a good for nothing?
Our pain comes from false expectations of people.
Dogs bark.
Cats meow.
People talk shit, complain, seek control, and want more.
You know the...
No one cares.
Why keep trying.
Nothing is ever good enough for anyone.
I give all my love and in return I’m spat at in my face.
Then I realized. People, people are like that. We have a false expectation in our heads that people were kind, honest, fair, reciprocal. Well that’s a lie. Period. Humans LIKE or DON’T LIKE what we perceive with our five senses and we WANT... that is all. Us humans have an EGO so big we seek praise, possession, and control. We want to control what people do and say.
“My boyfriend stood me up and didn’t call me, he shouldn’t be that way!”
“People should say nice words to me, not treat me like shit.”
And when we can’t control what people say and do... damn our ego and desire for control goes CRAZY. Let people seek YOU out. I used to be the one always looking to call and text others. Now? Now I say... fuck it... if someone wants to see me THEY text me and if I want to reply I will, if not.. I won’t. Can we be the ones to congratulate ourselves for our efforts despite the voices around us that tell us we’re too slow, too lazy, a good for nothing?
Our pain comes from false expectations of people.
Dogs bark.
Cats meow.
People talk shit, complain, seek control, and want more.
Lust4lufe · 26-30, M
@Specialyouare Sometimes moms and dads fall out of love
Sometimes two homes are better than one
Some things you can't tell your sister 'cause she's still too young
Yeah you'll understand
When you love someone
When you love someone
Come home early after class
Don't be hanging 'round the back of the schoolyard
And if we're crying on the couch
Don't let it freak you out
This has been so hard
Sometimes moms and dads fall out of love
Sometimes the best intentions just ain't enough
Some things you can't tell your sister 'cause she's still too young
Yeah you'll understand
When you love someone
Sometimes two homes are better than one
Some things you can't tell your sister 'cause she's still too young
Yeah you'll understand
When you love someone
When you love someone
Come home early after class
Don't be hanging 'round the back of the schoolyard
And if we're crying on the couch
Don't let it freak you out
This has been so hard
Sometimes moms and dads fall out of love
Sometimes the best intentions just ain't enough
Some things you can't tell your sister 'cause she's still too young
Yeah you'll understand
When you love someone
SW-User
@Specialyouare you need love dear 🌷🤗
Lust4lufe · 26-30, M
@Specialyouare I’m done expecting from her or anyone. I learned this. I don’t expect anything from her. She said she’ll come back. Cool. If she does, great. I hope it’s in time. If not, I’ve had an incredible string of life happenings that make it incredibly easy for me to have the mindset of fuck. This. Life. Fuck friends, fuck moments, experiences, fuck people, and promises, anniversaries, family. Fuck happiness and optimism. Fuck school, fuck rent, fuck jobs. Fuck hometowns and childhood love. It’s all bullshit. , ,
Lust4lufe · 26-30, M
I need rum. I need coke. I need darkness @SW-User
Lust4lufe · 26-30, M
@SW-User I needed her. I need her more now than I ever have in my entire life, and I’m so scared. @Specialyouare