I Lost Myself, Found Myself, Then Lost Myself

Yea, probably should right? Cool. Thanks. I’ll remember that @Effloresce

✌🏽@Lust4lufe

I’m just not for it right now. I’m sorry. Didn’t meant to offend. Inevitably I’m going to. It’s just my energy right now@Effloresce

Nah I get how it feels to be in a state of mind like this. I just don’t want you to do anything to harm yourself. No one deserves to feel this way and it’s important to understand that you need to make an effort to help your situation, even if that seems impossible @Lust4lufe

I hear you. I get it’s a mindset. But right now. Honestly, my view on life right now... let the world burn. None of it matters. Idk how long I’m gonna be here but I don’t care@Effloresce I’m fine waiting here until the end.

@Effloresce I’m beyond that “positive” shit. I just don’t have it in me to even fake it.

@Effloresce I want to get better too. But.... nothing’s gonna get better for a long while. Why fake optimism when I have just.. so much pain, so much sadness. It’s all I have to give

I gave my happiness up for Hers, and I’m surrounding myself with negativity like it’s the only things that’s gonna get me through..@Effloresce

Now... now it’s time to give up others for YOUR happiness.

I believe the question was: A painless was To go. @Specialyouare

I’ll give you a painless way to go. NEVER take matters into your own hand and let fate deal with when you leave existence. But meanwhile you try to survive to see YOUR eyes in the mirror, for taking a deep breath in the morning that nourishes your lungs, to hear the music that you love, the food that makes your mouth water, and art that touches your heart. Yes this life is conditional on playing puppet to others for money. Make your paycheck, pay your bills, THEN you have you “me time” for YOU, where you reminisce and give yourself the kindness, love, and understanding other humans are not capable of giving because we are all egotistical, impatient, and selfish people looking to survive, looking for the shortcut to everything.

@Specialyouare my breathe is short from all the smoking.


I don’t look in the mirror anymore. I got tired of people sayin I look tired.

The tears made it hard anyway. I don’t go to work anymore.

Dropped school.

I’m not capable of giving anyone anything right now but a headache, some weed and a terriblly long conversation about a girl I lost...

@Specialyouare no father, distant mother (usual black son story) never fit in. Not smart enough to be white, not good enough to be black. So I never knew who I was. I don’t reminisce about good things. It’s too hard. I cry. So I let the bad things float in.

@Specialyouare I used to make music. I wrote, produced, everything for 8 years...

Now I just wanna sleep

I’m broke. I’m tired. I’m a failure and yeah, I lost EVERYTHING.

@Lust4lufe- Sleeping feels good huh. Sleep, rest. Sleep is very important for our mind to clear. One step at a time. Today:
1. Go to sleep, get some rest.
Tomorrow:
Eat healthy, drink water, sing a song and cry feelings out, write a poem.
The day after tomorrow:
Go for a walk and apply at jobs walking distance from your home.

Always remembering to drink water, 8 hours of sleep, and eat bread, vegetables, rice, beans... something to sustain you.

I WANT to sleep. I have to make myself sleep. I have to make get my mind to stop racing before I can ever sleep. I just lay awake thinking. I don’t sleep unless I get really high or drunk. Otherwise I’m just up. @Specialyouare

@Specialyouare I don’t eat anymore. Haven’t eaten since last Wednesday. I’m not hungry

And I definitely don’t eat bread or grains... it’ll make me gain weight

I’m not tryna get bigger again.

Boil water, drink hot water... then go to bed. Slowly in small increments try to let go on the drinking and smoking... to instead focus on eating healthy not for “image” but for your livelihood and health.

I smoke like, idk. I know it’s a lot but... idk, maybe 3 or 4 a day? And I drink every night and morning

@Specialyouare what’s boiling water for?

I miss her 😞😞@Specialyouare