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I Lost Friends

Another friendship ended. A chapter could be filled with how shitty this feels, but honestly empty seems the most appropriate description. When did friendships feel like grabbing just the right puzzle piece to fit the gap? Whatever happen to just having a buddy without worrying if they aren’t exactly perfect? It feels as though I’m never good enough. Honestly anymore creating new friends sound just about exciting as a flu shot.

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Tatsumi · 31-35, M

Sorry you have to go through it. It does suck.

Friendships are more like alliances between countries. It's all about mutual benefit. Each need to be beneficial to the other in order for an alliance to be worthwhile. It gets kinda convoluted when you integrate personal identity [someone doesn't wanna view themselves as a shallow person, so they stick around even though they don't get anything from it], but that's the general truth.

So what did you or the other person do wrong? If you figure it out, you can learn from it and try not to repeat the same mistake. There's a lot of things a person can do to improve themselves and get better at socializing.

At the same time, sometimes it's just beyond our control and the people just weren't compatible.

WolfMaiden · 26-30, F

@Tatsumi Honestly I don't know what happened. She just disappeared for a month literally. No calls, text, nada. When my best friend came back into my life it was if she changed into a completely different person. Everything just made her angry the slightest thing. No matter what I apologized for it didn't seem to appease her in the least. Almost as if ending the alliance was the number one priority when deciding to reach out again.

Tatsumi · 31-35, M

@WolfMaiden The way you describe it, it sounds like something may have happened in her life unrelated to you? People tend to change that abruptly when they've had a bad run.

Are you sure she meant to stop being friends? Could it jist be a misunderstanding?

How did you apologize?

WolfMaiden · 26-30, F

@Tatsumi It definitely meant stop being friends. She said "Have a nice life," and when I made her angry I'd always say "I'm sorry if I've offended you or made you mad." That's what I've been thinking something happened when she was away.

Tatsumi · 31-35, M

@WolfMaiden Yikes. :(

For future reference, apologies work best when you add some dedication to them, too. Like, "I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do to make it right or help you feel better?"

WolfMaiden · 26-30, F

When apoloizing I told her I was willing to do what it takes to fix the friendship. When I messaged her in the beginning I said to her that I recognize that we've been distance and I wanted her to know I was there for her no matter. This is a learning moment though.

Tatsumi · 31-35, M

@WolfMaiden And *then* she said "have a nice life?"

WolfMaiden · 26-30, F

@Tatsumi Yes she told me to have a nice life after that. Despite how hurt I was I kept my cool and replied as respectfully as I possible given the situation. I believe most issues can be solved by calming talking to each other.

WolfMaiden · 26-30, F

calmly talking**

Tatsumi · 31-35, M

@WolfMaiden Damn, that's fucked up. Maybe something did happen to her, and she just wanted to get away from everything. I know I've done that before. Who knows. Maybe in a year or two, you could just try one more time and see if she wants to be friends again?

WolfMaiden · 26-30, F

@Tatsumi I've thought about it honestly. Just giving her a few years and try to be friends again. Only time will tell.