I Want To Speak Of Intimacy

Great analysis and interesting introspection into your life and DH's. I think at most times it is intimacy , closeness, that we crave, as closeness is a primal want and need. We seek that to feel vindicated as a person -and accepted. Thanks for your take on it.

Spot on

Thanks.

That is a great way to look at it- for we do expose our weaknesses and vulnerabilities with another at times while being that.

The older one gets , the more they desire intimacy and the more their heart may yearn for it. But- the older ones get may also be the ones with the more guarded hearts as they have become masters at putting up walls.

And ironically, as some people age, their libidos also go through the roof, men and women both. But they still want intimacy and can be guarded. Aging--ugh!

@CoffeeFirst: Libidos being more connected to passion than to intimacy. I can be passionate about something without being intimate with it.

When one is talking about sex the best is likely when passion and intimacy are carefully bound up together in the act. Sex is the greatest example of physical intimacy and lovers passion, but both can occur without sex. And emotional intimacy can be separated from sex, though is most often connected because we are an emotional and physical species with our emotions and physical attributes interwoven.

@AwakenEdge: So you understand then. I'm glad. I long for that as well, as it is can do the body , mind and spirit so much good! The bonding with another in a moment that is intimate is endearing and saved to memory. Always.

@Elandra77: passion in love making is in the moment, intimacy can be any time, a message of love coomunicated through lots of ways some of which you already mentioned.

I agree, intimacy lasts a lot longer than sex-and is one of the most fulfilling things and remembrances we have. They feeling of it lasts with us to the end of our days. Days when sexual exploits are long forgotten.

I wrote and share this a lot. It actually brought tears to me as I wrote it. As I understand it all too well. It is modified a bit, here in this post, but it remains close to my original.

What he WILL speak of-if at all, (as many of the things that now bring him joy are sweet and private moments) is the littel things he did for her and her him. How she held his hand at the end of a day. How he woke her with three kisses on her face. The scent of her in his fave perfume-and how he missed it when it was no longer made. Th eroom he added onto the house for "sitting room" and so on...

THAT---is intimacy- and it what remains long after all else has faded into memory. And they are often private moments that bring private smiles to our faces- One that others that know us(or do not) cannot quite place. Nor do we want them to.

Now for the post--

"Ask a 86 year old man, who lives alone now that his wife has passed, what he wants. Ask him as he is sitting, alone and content in his thoughts, whittling away at a piece of wood he could never quite finish as he was making something for her(and finishing it would make closure seem all to real. Closure he had long gone through after her passing. In a way-in not finishing it he holds on to a piece of her. That is, a piece of her is still alive and "unfinished" ) ask him what HE wants. Damn sure is not sex. That ceased being important years ago. Go ahead, ask him, listen as he puts his wood down and folds his knife. And sighs. And-was that a smile? or a longing? "

I am as well. That is I am old fashioned in my ideas of intimacy, love and romance. To me, all three need to have meaning behind them.

[i]The need to love, and be loved in return[/i]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQerH4nRTUA

*smiles* Something told me this link was Nat- As he recorded it in 1947-I guess I am copying him-or rather the author of the song. And how true that is. It was voted the "best song" of 1947. Now it would not get airplay.

But yes, that is a primal want, need and desire I oft speak of. One of them anyways.

@Rain-Bisou: As i scroll down< I see it on page 3. Close the bottom. May be different for you . It is a long post of mine. An ongoing conversation.

@Elandra77: okay then, its on this post though right?

Yes, on this long thread of posts. 86 year man is the key to finding it.

Yep! They are magical moments to be shared, exclusively, with one and another, and will always be endeared, to a degree, by each.

@Elandra77: I agree with that

@Elandra77 Oh I'm so sorry it has left your life (temporarily). I very briefly this last year had a little of this. Simply holding hands was the most amazing thing.

@IAmJess No neeo be sorry, my life is what it is. But that holds true for all. Holding hands is sweet. As is laying your head in someone's lap under a tree. A shared love seat. The stroking of hers, or his hair. A moonlit walk on a private beach. An hour long Park trail walk that somehow took 3 and 1/2 hours as you "got lost?"

Closeness is remembered by the mind. It fills a primal need, want and desire- to touch another and to be touched.

🤣🤣🤣🤣[quote]An hour long Park trail walk that somehow took 3 and 1/2 hours as you "got lost?"[/quote]

There's a state park near us called Blue Hills. The walk from the parking lot to the top is maybe an hour if you go slow. We would go there in the morning for the hike to the top and back, but we'd take all day!

One side of the top gives you nice views of the city of Boston and even Boston Harbor. Really pretty. The other side gives you views of....a highway? an industrial park? That's the side we went to. ;)

@Vivaci Thank You. This was reported in the early days of SW so it actually got some attention!

I had grown discontent with men and women -namely men- sating again and again on EP that they are passionate or feel passion or they are a passionate person , etc... So I read their tales and it became obvious that yes some were exactly that bit more were seeking intimacy. So many thought passion was laying a woman down and entering her. (Oh good gpoddess...!!!) Both sexes. (I always imagined he was saying that to try to impress women. )

Yes, the two can overlap-and they may even be the same at times! But the two, fundamentally are vastly different.

And so I wrote of that one time and I defined what passion is and what it is not. Same for intimacy. I even created this group to DO that! There were a lot of arguments but a lot also came away with new clarity.

@Elandra77 Good points...I think intimacy is always sexier than sex. Both bundled up can spark fireworks.
Like your efforts to explain things in the most pleasant way. Best way to express ones opinion more effectively.

I do as well. As I believe all do. My post was to demonstrate that the two are not the same. BUT-both are needed. But in our old age- it is the intimate moments we will remember the most.

@Elandra77: agreed on all levels

@RodneyTrotter Thank You. Glad you found this story. There is a sweetness to intimacy, real intimacy, in whatever form. And for that to be there has to be established kindness.

And kindness is the sexiest attribute of men or women.

@RodneyTrotter Very true.

Thank You and thanks for visiting my post.

Thank You.

I like your insight. Thanks for sharing.

Thanks. Glad you agree. It's a bit old. I put it up second or third day I came-months ago. It was my group once, back when we could choose avi's for our groups. I just wanted to see it get restarted here.

Sorry you feel that way. I posted a similar post like this on EP and it got great response form a broad spectrum of people;and many great conversations were had over it.

You seem a bit judgmental. And assuming and you are right-we cannot have a conversation. As I detest those that are.

I am glad that the others that took time to have a dialogue on this post did not feel as you did.