I Love And Love To Be Loved

I was wearing my over-one-shoulder, champagne colored, satin top from Express when you walked through the front door the bar. I was standing there dolled up like a lady next to The Beer Tub. This was back when we were allowed to wear whatever we wanted while working. I welcomed you and Sam as I made my way behind the tub. I had been working a couple hours. You stood tall and handsome in your black T-shirt and Sam was smiling wearing a light colored; button up either in a white-ish or blue-ish hue. You were smiling too. Both of you gave off a comforting vibe. But you specifically captured my eyes. The road and trees behind you were blurred and you were in sharp focus. Taylor Swift sang in my ears " I knew you were trouble when you walked in". I knew that it was more than just trouble. I know that it was love. Love struck all of my heart-strings and the butterflies all wanted to sing. Your height, your eyes, your posture and your willingness to engage with the world around you; lit a flame in my heart. But with weariness I kept my kooL. I made fun of you in my head just as I did with all the other people that passed through; to make the hours of standing in heels fly by. I wish the first two times i tried expressing this memory was worded better. The first time we were at Britania reminiscing about how we met and I went from "the door to just making fun of you" in that recollection. Second time was in an actual video I filmed and edited and sent to you. I tried to express myself accurately but was stifled by fear; I chopped those words up too. I always hoped I could get the words right someday, which leads me to say this.... The only lie I ever told you is that i liked you when I already knew I loved you. I love you. I will always love you.... Recently you asked me why i didn't sleep with any of your friends when they threw themselves at me. I said "morals". You asked me multiple times throughout the night and everytime i said "morals". I came so close to telling you that i loved you. Later i wish i had atleast hinted "because i don't like them like i like you" or something. But i said "morals" and so it is so. The truth is I Love You.... Timing may not be right today to tell you but the love is there and I will let you know someday. "I Love You Always" <3