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I Dont Understand Why People Think Domestic Abuse Is Ok

It is wrong to harm anyone. We are not animals to one another esp to the ones whom we cohabitate with. No one ever was to be a 2nd class citizen. Why a lot can tolerate? It has to be punishable and not allowed to have any partnership legally for lifetime. People who can do harm to others are not meant of company.

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Mamapolo2016 · F

The problem is - thinking it is okay normally does not look like "I am fine with that person smacking that other person around when they feel like it."

It LOOKS like minding your own business. It LOOKS like, well, if she stays, she must be okay with it. It LOOKS like, she slapped him around because he provoked her. It LOOKS like, yeah, I hear screams of pain and she sure looks bruised but I can't tell because of the sunglasses. It LOOKS like, if I do say something, what will happen to me? It LOOKS like, I must be wrong, even though I know I'm right, because he seems like a nice guy.

Sepia · 36-40, F

@Mamapolo2016 that is true and I feel sad.

Mamapolo2016 · F

Yes. Me too. @Sepia

Sepia · 36-40, F

@Mamapolo2016 why people do that? 💔

Mamapolo2016 · F

I have a suspicion it's going to get worse again rather than better.

I have had possibly a dozen people here, most of them quite young, tell me "Just mind your own business," about similar things. Not all think that way, but many do. The more crowded the world gets, the more we look inward, to our own tiny sphere.

And, if you admit it's happening to somebody else, a small part of you understands it could happen to you.

@Sepia

Mamapolo2016 · F

There's even more to it than that - I was deeply involved with a women's domestic violence shelter for years.

If someone asks an abused person if they are being abused (I use 'person' because it happens to men, too), most often they will say, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Why? Because they're scared of the abuser. They are as scared of leaving as they are of staying. They are scared of the justice system. They have been convinced they deserve it. They have so little self left they can't imagine a life where nobody hits them and they can survive on their own. They have grown up in a community where it's normal and they don't even see it as anything but 'the way it is.'

More times than I could count, somebody here has reported domestic violence in a post, and when I talk to them in PMs, they want to talk about the abuse, but rarely about what to do about it, any more than I want to talk about alternatives to breathing. They can't conceive there's a different way.

It's tragic - and contrary to popular belief, although it is more common in some cultures than others, abuse happens everywhere. Wall Street brokers and unemployed mechanics can all be abusers. @Sepia