I Fight Depression and Loneliness Everyday
Today was another bad day. I can't control it, it just pours out of me. Fear and regret, dread and hopelessness, anger and rage.
I had a life altering experience, something that brings joy to your life, which it has but also it's brought me misery. Having a baby carried more than I expected but please know I can't imagine my life without her now.
The problem lies with me. I'm selfish.
I was was hospitalized for my mental illness a couple months ago. I have dealt with depression for 15 years, anxiety for 3 and now I have been diagnosed with impulse control disorder. I went to a very dark place after having a baby. My husband abandoned me emotionally because I was dragging him down. I had no one in my corner. I finally got on medication and have leveled out. But everyday I am on a cliff. So close to falling over and ending up back in that dark place.
Today I woke up scared that I was going to lose everything because my husband was angry with me, I can not deal with the fear of being left alone again. I cried for hours in a panic, completely out of proportion to the situation. I'm tired of my brain and feeling out of control.
I had a life altering experience, something that brings joy to your life, which it has but also it's brought me misery. Having a baby carried more than I expected but please know I can't imagine my life without her now.
The problem lies with me. I'm selfish.
I was was hospitalized for my mental illness a couple months ago. I have dealt with depression for 15 years, anxiety for 3 and now I have been diagnosed with impulse control disorder. I went to a very dark place after having a baby. My husband abandoned me emotionally because I was dragging him down. I had no one in my corner. I finally got on medication and have leveled out. But everyday I am on a cliff. So close to falling over and ending up back in that dark place.
Today I woke up scared that I was going to lose everything because my husband was angry with me, I can not deal with the fear of being left alone again. I cried for hours in a panic, completely out of proportion to the situation. I'm tired of my brain and feeling out of control.
36-40, F
