I Want Something Different
I can't wait til the day FINALLY comes that I can move out of here. 馃槗
Unless you have lived in a situation where you are completely powerless about everything in your own life, you'll never understand how I feel right now. If you've
ever been in jail, you know the feeling.
I know a few people on SW know about my life, but most of you probably don't. Honestly, this is my entire day, every day:
1. Wake up, take shower
2. Make coffee, take pills (allergy and acid reflux medications)
3. Watch tv for a bit while I check in on SW and FB
4. After coffee, I spend about an hour or so on cleaning my part of the house
5. Rest for about an hour
6. Ask my fiance to get my breakfast (he gets my food so I don't have to spend any more time with his mother than neccesary)
7. Eat breakfast
8. Watch more tv, talk with fiance, or read
9. Walk my dog and their dogs for about 30 minutes
10. Shower again (east Texas has you sweaty the minute you walk out the door)
11. Wait til in-laws leave the house to do the shopping, then clean their part of the house and cook my food for the rest of the week.
12. Return to my part of the house and do stretches to calm down and relax.
13. Go to bed.
That's it. That's all I do, every day. Once in a while the routine will be interrupted- like if the in-laws invite me to go out somewhere with them (rare), or if the weather is rainy then we won't walk the dogs, or if my in-laws don't leave at all that day, I don't clean their part of the house.
I am not allowed to leave this house. I am not allowed to do my own shopping (I have to make a list of things I need then turn it in to my Mother-in-law). I am not allowed to order anything online without permission (even though it's money that I earned by cleaning for them and grooming/walking their dogs). I am not allowed to use the kitchen until everyone is out of the house or asleep. We even have to get permission to walk the dogs, and we have to tell them where exactly we are walking and how long it will take us. My mother-in-law will literally stand in front of the door like the Gestapo, questioning us before we can leave. I have to ask for a ride if I need to go anywhere- like to the doctor or to take my dog to the vet.
It is a nightmare to wake up here every day. It has had a devastating effect on my mental health and my relationship with my fiance. The only thing that keeps me holding on to the relationship is the hope that things between us will be different once we finally get out of here.
Unless you have lived in a situation where you are completely powerless about everything in your own life, you'll never understand how I feel right now. If you've
ever been in jail, you know the feeling.
I know a few people on SW know about my life, but most of you probably don't. Honestly, this is my entire day, every day:
1. Wake up, take shower
2. Make coffee, take pills (allergy and acid reflux medications)
3. Watch tv for a bit while I check in on SW and FB
4. After coffee, I spend about an hour or so on cleaning my part of the house
5. Rest for about an hour
6. Ask my fiance to get my breakfast (he gets my food so I don't have to spend any more time with his mother than neccesary)
7. Eat breakfast
8. Watch more tv, talk with fiance, or read
9. Walk my dog and their dogs for about 30 minutes
10. Shower again (east Texas has you sweaty the minute you walk out the door)
11. Wait til in-laws leave the house to do the shopping, then clean their part of the house and cook my food for the rest of the week.
12. Return to my part of the house and do stretches to calm down and relax.
13. Go to bed.
That's it. That's all I do, every day. Once in a while the routine will be interrupted- like if the in-laws invite me to go out somewhere with them (rare), or if the weather is rainy then we won't walk the dogs, or if my in-laws don't leave at all that day, I don't clean their part of the house.
I am not allowed to leave this house. I am not allowed to do my own shopping (I have to make a list of things I need then turn it in to my Mother-in-law). I am not allowed to order anything online without permission (even though it's money that I earned by cleaning for them and grooming/walking their dogs). I am not allowed to use the kitchen until everyone is out of the house or asleep. We even have to get permission to walk the dogs, and we have to tell them where exactly we are walking and how long it will take us. My mother-in-law will literally stand in front of the door like the Gestapo, questioning us before we can leave. I have to ask for a ride if I need to go anywhere- like to the doctor or to take my dog to the vet.
It is a nightmare to wake up here every day. It has had a devastating effect on my mental health and my relationship with my fiance. The only thing that keeps me holding on to the relationship is the hope that things between us will be different once we finally get out of here.
41-45, F
