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Is it wrong to move away from a daughter(11) who don't want me in her life?

I am lost for words and I am still utterly shocked that my daughter is capable of almost pushing me downstairs. After I confronted her about her phone, that everytime I ring, it wont connect to her number. This has been happening for almost 2 weeks now, and she refused to show me the settings of her phone. I tried confiscating her phone due to her verbal abuse towards me and she refused to do so, and she threatened me of pushing me downstairs. Her father was there, just making approval everytime my daughter gives me verbal abuse and even threatened me of inflicting pain towards me. I just don't understand that a father would tolerate such disrespect towards her own mother.

I want to move away from this house hold. Right now, I just want to end everything. I am sad that my daughter who used to be sweet and loving, is turning into an agressive child. My heart is shattered into pieces. 💔💔💔

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sumojumo · 36-40, M

this is a hard one :(. I have an 11-year-old son and I am trying to imagine if something like this happened to me. I completely understand that you want to get away from it all. And if it is too much to handle maybe it is the best step to take.

One approach is to see that these things happen to many parents of teenagers, so you are not the only one. The second thing to notice is that this might not be a long-term sentiment that your daughter has towards you. She is becoming a teenager, she is in a whirlwind of hormones, emotions... And you are her pillar. If you take a very calm approach she will appreciate that very much - not right now, but later in life definitely. You might have a very rough relationship with her for a few years, but when she is in a more calm state of her body and mind, she will definitely appreciate that you did not explode because of her bad behavior.

I know this might not be very comforting at the moment, but dealing with kids is a marathon. But we tend to look at it as a set of sprints. So we get exhausted so fast.

The reactions of her father - that is a different story. You definitely need to talk with him (not in front of her) about this situation. You two are the adults in this story and have to act accordingly.

tryingtobeOK · 36-40, F

I will try to talk to him when it's time.
At this moment in time , my husband believes his own lies.@sumojumo

sumojumo · 36-40, M

@tryingtobeOK we are all our own worlds, with our own reality. I am definitely not trying to make excuses for your husband, just offering a perspective that is sometimes useful for me. When I think of situations when I was completely wrong but thought that I was right - then I become more understanding of other people. I am less angry and capable of much more compassion. It makes communication easier and things just kind of soften.

This is just my experience I know far too little of your situation and it could be completely irrelevant.