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I Love Jokes And Riddles

my wife is expecting......


A young Army private seeks permission from his commanding officer to leave camp the following weekend.

"You see," he explains, "my wife's expecting."

"I understand," the officer tells him. "You go, and tell your wife that I wish her luck."

The following week the same soldier is back again with the same explanation: "My wife's expecting."

The officer looks surprised, "Still expecting?" asks. `Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the weekend off."

When the same soldier appears again the third week, however, the officer loses his temper.

"Don't tell me your wife is still expecting," he says.

"Yes, sir," says the soldier resolutely. "She's still expecting."

"What in heaven is she expecting?" the officer. Says the soldier simply, "Me."
Byron8by7 · M
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"

The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie, and a G.I. Joe."

Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken?"

"No," said the little girl. "Barbie comes with G.I. Joe. She fakes it with Ken."
JimboUk · 31-35, M
Sounds like an Irish joke lol.
Shayama · FVIP
@JimboUk really
JimboUk · 31-35, M
@Shayama
An Irishman goes to the doctor, who after examining him says

“You have some problems with your heart, but if you take these tablets, I think it will be okay.

“So the doctor gives the man the tablets and the patient asks,

“Do I have to take them every day?”

No,” replies the doctor, “take one on the Monday, skip the Tuesday, take one on the Wednesday, skip the Thursday and go on like that.

“Two weeks later the doctor is walking down the street, and he sees the patient’s wife.“Hello Mrs Murphy,” he says, “how’s your husband"

“Oh he died of a heart attack,” says Mrs Murphy.

“I’m very sorry to hear that,” says the doctor, “I thought if he took those tablets he would be all right.”

“Oh the tablets were fine,” says Mrs Murphy,

“It was all the bloody skipping that killed him!”

 
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