I Have Borderline Personality Disorder
Hello
First, let me say, it is not my intention to offend anyone. I am merely seeking some insight and enlightenment about BPD.
In my previous posts, I alluded to the fact that I believe my husband has ADHD. He has never been diagnosed, but after a recent conversation with him, it may be ADHD coupled with something else.
Please keep in mind, I am venting. These scenarios are specific to my personal life and not meant to be a generalization of any person and/or disorder.
Let me explain....
My husband has two personas - public and private. In his public persona he is mature, agreeable, reserved and helpful; at home, he's not the exact opposite, but he is a modified version. He's acts childishly and more obstinate. Nevertheless, because everyone else thinks he's absolutely amazing -because that's the energy he gives them- he feels I'm delusional because if everyone else thinks he's great and I am criticizing him, then I'm the one with the problem. Yet, again, he acts totally different at home.
If I make a point, he goes out of his way to say or do the opposite. However, because I am driven by logic, most of the time, I will question or counter his points or actions. Don't get me wrong, to a spectator that can be viewed as a subtle competition in which I am a willing participant. I don't deny it; I am a very self aware person, but if something sounds illogical, I challenge it. This usually leaves him quiet and feeling a certain way, at home. If we are in public, he agrees with whatever the person he is talking to thinks.
Yesterday, he said that he finds it hard to be around me because I'm negative, and if he's negative around me, it's only because I was negative first. He's totally oblivious to his actions and words because everything at home is a joke, but in public it's serious. He remarked that I can be critical. So, I asked him to give me an example. He couldn't. He said when I have a problem with him I am too direct and I don't cushion it. He said I may be too honest. Is there is such a thing? Then, in the same breath, he will complain that I don't spend enough time with him, and that I act like I don't like him. Well, if I'm so negative, why would he want to be around me? To me, illogical.
We recently went on a date night. I thought everything was going well. He caressed my cheek, kissed me and held my hand. I was nostalgic, but as always with him, cautious. The next day, I found out that I had said something that was negative in his opinion. Again, I asked what I had said. Again, he couldn't tell me. He presented it like even when we are having a good time, I will consistently do something to screw it up. I feel like he wants to shame me into getting his own way. If I agreed with everything he said or did and just smiled and nodded my head, he would be content. This will never happen!
So, my question was, if I said something so offensive or appalling, why didn't your behavior change? Why didn't you act like you were upset?
Crickets...
First, let me say, it is not my intention to offend anyone. I am merely seeking some insight and enlightenment about BPD.
In my previous posts, I alluded to the fact that I believe my husband has ADHD. He has never been diagnosed, but after a recent conversation with him, it may be ADHD coupled with something else.
Please keep in mind, I am venting. These scenarios are specific to my personal life and not meant to be a generalization of any person and/or disorder.
Let me explain....
My husband has two personas - public and private. In his public persona he is mature, agreeable, reserved and helpful; at home, he's not the exact opposite, but he is a modified version. He's acts childishly and more obstinate. Nevertheless, because everyone else thinks he's absolutely amazing -because that's the energy he gives them- he feels I'm delusional because if everyone else thinks he's great and I am criticizing him, then I'm the one with the problem. Yet, again, he acts totally different at home.
If I make a point, he goes out of his way to say or do the opposite. However, because I am driven by logic, most of the time, I will question or counter his points or actions. Don't get me wrong, to a spectator that can be viewed as a subtle competition in which I am a willing participant. I don't deny it; I am a very self aware person, but if something sounds illogical, I challenge it. This usually leaves him quiet and feeling a certain way, at home. If we are in public, he agrees with whatever the person he is talking to thinks.
Yesterday, he said that he finds it hard to be around me because I'm negative, and if he's negative around me, it's only because I was negative first. He's totally oblivious to his actions and words because everything at home is a joke, but in public it's serious. He remarked that I can be critical. So, I asked him to give me an example. He couldn't. He said when I have a problem with him I am too direct and I don't cushion it. He said I may be too honest. Is there is such a thing? Then, in the same breath, he will complain that I don't spend enough time with him, and that I act like I don't like him. Well, if I'm so negative, why would he want to be around me? To me, illogical.
We recently went on a date night. I thought everything was going well. He caressed my cheek, kissed me and held my hand. I was nostalgic, but as always with him, cautious. The next day, I found out that I had said something that was negative in his opinion. Again, I asked what I had said. Again, he couldn't tell me. He presented it like even when we are having a good time, I will consistently do something to screw it up. I feel like he wants to shame me into getting his own way. If I agreed with everything he said or did and just smiled and nodded my head, he would be content. This will never happen!
So, my question was, if I said something so offensive or appalling, why didn't your behavior change? Why didn't you act like you were upset?
Crickets...
51-55, F
