I Need Therapy
[c=#BF0080][big]Session 16: Confronting the memory...[/big][/c]
"So, the last time, you recalled a memory..."
"Yeah, it was more like reliving it."
"Well, it's sometimes like that. But, how did it make you feel?"
"I guess it made me feel sad. I mean in that moment I remember feeling sad and all the things that I feel about myself."
"What are those things?"
"Not good enough... never good enough, actually. Deficient. Cast out. Unwanted. Not liked. Second string. Repulsive. I guess those are the main things..."
"Okay. Those are valid feelings to have, but my question is are those feelings doing you any good? Why are you holding on to them?"
"I'm not actually holding... on... to them. I mean, they are just there. Based on what happened... what always happens to me."
"Let's take a step back. We don't actually want to go back to that day, but I want to examine what you felt happened and what actually happened? Does that sound ok to you?"
"Yeah, I guess, but..."
"Okay, good. Or... wait, but what?"
"I don't know. I guess it seems like you are saying I'm lying or something about what happened."
"No, no, no. That's not what I mean. My apologies. Let me explain. Many times what we think is happening is not the same thing as what is really happening. It's why a group of people who see the same event occur will often describe that same event differently. We each have our own perceptions that we bring into anything we observe and sometimes that perception leads us to a perspective that can distort reality. It's not lying; it's a matter of personal perspective. Does that make sense?"
"Yeah, in a way it does. Okay..."
"Okay, so, tell me... when the girl first approached you and your friend; she came over to the table where you both were... what was going through your mind?"
"Well... I guess that she was interested in my friend and I just happened to be there."
"But, she interacted with you too and your friend said he thought she liked you."
"He was just being... you know.. supportive I guess."
"Supportive?"
"Yeah, you know on account of he knew how shy I was... how much of a.... I don't... a loser I guess I was-am-was. So, he was trying to build my confidence."
"Well did you feel confident?"
"Yeah, I guess at first. I mean I guess I believed him because I wanted to believe him. But, by the time we got back to the room and he felt I was taking too long to make a move and she seemed relieved when he finally took charge..."
"Is that what really happened?"
"Yeah, I was obviously struggling to make simple conversation and she was obviously wanting to get beyond the polite conversation, but not with me... so she seemed relieved when he finally became active and I could see it in her body language... especially how she turned to him and the spotlight went dark for me... it was then just the two of them."
"How did you feel?"
"Sad."
"No, what were you really feeling?"
"I told you... sad."
"Just sadness... like I was lost... like I wanted to hide."
"Come on... you're hiding now.., what did YOU feel?"
"ABANDONED OKAY...? I felt abandoned! [b]DAMN IT[/b]."
"Abandoned...?"
"Yeah abandoned... by my friend."
"Why?"
"He could have anyone he wanted. He had those kind of looks and that kind of personality. And, he went after someone that... I don't know... [starts crying]... he pushed me out of the way, kind of."
"What..."
"This is upsetting me..."
"Do you want to stop?"
"Yes..."
"Okay. We can pick this up the next time."
[sep][I walked out without saying good-bye... I started crying in the car and didn't stop until I got home. He called later, but I didn't pick up... his voicemail said he wanted to check to see how I was feeling.][/sep]
"So, the last time, you recalled a memory..."
"Yeah, it was more like reliving it."
"Well, it's sometimes like that. But, how did it make you feel?"
"I guess it made me feel sad. I mean in that moment I remember feeling sad and all the things that I feel about myself."
"What are those things?"
"Not good enough... never good enough, actually. Deficient. Cast out. Unwanted. Not liked. Second string. Repulsive. I guess those are the main things..."
"Okay. Those are valid feelings to have, but my question is are those feelings doing you any good? Why are you holding on to them?"
"I'm not actually holding... on... to them. I mean, they are just there. Based on what happened... what always happens to me."
"Let's take a step back. We don't actually want to go back to that day, but I want to examine what you felt happened and what actually happened? Does that sound ok to you?"
"Yeah, I guess, but..."
"Okay, good. Or... wait, but what?"
"I don't know. I guess it seems like you are saying I'm lying or something about what happened."
"No, no, no. That's not what I mean. My apologies. Let me explain. Many times what we think is happening is not the same thing as what is really happening. It's why a group of people who see the same event occur will often describe that same event differently. We each have our own perceptions that we bring into anything we observe and sometimes that perception leads us to a perspective that can distort reality. It's not lying; it's a matter of personal perspective. Does that make sense?"
"Yeah, in a way it does. Okay..."
"Okay, so, tell me... when the girl first approached you and your friend; she came over to the table where you both were... what was going through your mind?"
"Well... I guess that she was interested in my friend and I just happened to be there."
"But, she interacted with you too and your friend said he thought she liked you."
"He was just being... you know.. supportive I guess."
"Supportive?"
"Yeah, you know on account of he knew how shy I was... how much of a.... I don't... a loser I guess I was-am-was. So, he was trying to build my confidence."
"Well did you feel confident?"
"Yeah, I guess at first. I mean I guess I believed him because I wanted to believe him. But, by the time we got back to the room and he felt I was taking too long to make a move and she seemed relieved when he finally took charge..."
"Is that what really happened?"
"Yeah, I was obviously struggling to make simple conversation and she was obviously wanting to get beyond the polite conversation, but not with me... so she seemed relieved when he finally became active and I could see it in her body language... especially how she turned to him and the spotlight went dark for me... it was then just the two of them."
"How did you feel?"
"Sad."
"No, what were you really feeling?"
"I told you... sad."
"Just sadness... like I was lost... like I wanted to hide."
"Come on... you're hiding now.., what did YOU feel?"
"ABANDONED OKAY...? I felt abandoned! [b]DAMN IT[/b]."
"Abandoned...?"
"Yeah abandoned... by my friend."
"Why?"
"He could have anyone he wanted. He had those kind of looks and that kind of personality. And, he went after someone that... I don't know... [starts crying]... he pushed me out of the way, kind of."
"What..."
"This is upsetting me..."
"Do you want to stop?"
"Yes..."
"Okay. We can pick this up the next time."
[sep][I walked out without saying good-bye... I started crying in the car and didn't stop until I got home. He called later, but I didn't pick up... his voicemail said he wanted to check to see how I was feeling.][/sep]
