I Need Therapy
[big]Session 12: Finding support by feeling unsupported and crying about it...[/big]
"It's been awhile, a long while..."
"Yeah, I guess I know."
"So, what's been going on? How are you?"
"I think I realized something today?"
"Oh...?"
"Yeah... [cries] I guess, I don't... I don't ... I mean... well, I guess I don't really like myself."
"Why do you think that is?"
"I don't know..."
"Yeah, but why do you think...?"
"I guess... because I'm inferior... I mean I guess I have always felt inferior."
"What made you feel like that?"
"I..."
"I mean why did you feel like that? What caused you to feel that way?"
"It's hard to talk about..." [stands up and faces window looking out to the street below]
"Many times the truth about ourselves is the hardest thing to talk about."
"I'm not blaming anyone..."
"Okay... I understand..."
"My father always made me feel inferior."
"How? How did he make you feel that way?"
"I watched a video a father made of him and his son and I started crying because the whole video was the father talking and showing how much he outwardly loved and thought of his son. And, I started to cry... because I've never had a taste of that. I don't know... maybe I am exaggerating."
"Do you think you are exaggerating?"
"No... [cries]."
"Why do you think you have so much emotional pain?"
[cries] "I don't know..."
"Why do you think?"
"No one likes me..."
"But, you know that's not true..."
"No... no one really likes me; that's how it feels."
"Well, why do you feel that way?"
"I don't think anyone has ever really liked me or could ever like me."
"Do you think you are super-imposing that feeling on how others really feel about you?"
"No... I can't be liked."
"Why? Why are you so sure you can't be liked?"
"I'm ugly; I'm weird; I'm not interesting."
"And, what if you're wrong?"
"I'm right..."
"You seem to have a lot vested in being right about this; are you open to being wrong?"
"I don't [cries] know... what you mean..."
"Listen... I have noticed in you 3 virtues: you have [u]tenacity[/u] - you don't give up. You're [u]brave[/u] - you are willing to face your feelings. That's hardly ever easy. And, with all your self-doubt and anxiety, you have a quiet [u]confidence[/u]. I want you to think about those virtues and how you can use them."
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"Okay..."
[I cried some more and there were some more words that I don't recall right now. I left feeling exhausted and vulnerable. I went home and I remember crying gently at first and then in uncontrollable sobs before falling asleep...]
"It's been awhile, a long while..."
"Yeah, I guess I know."
"So, what's been going on? How are you?"
"I think I realized something today?"
"Oh...?"
"Yeah... [cries] I guess, I don't... I don't ... I mean... well, I guess I don't really like myself."
"Why do you think that is?"
"I don't know..."
"Yeah, but why do you think...?"
"I guess... because I'm inferior... I mean I guess I have always felt inferior."
"What made you feel like that?"
"I..."
"I mean why did you feel like that? What caused you to feel that way?"
"It's hard to talk about..." [stands up and faces window looking out to the street below]
"Many times the truth about ourselves is the hardest thing to talk about."
"I'm not blaming anyone..."
"Okay... I understand..."
"My father always made me feel inferior."
"How? How did he make you feel that way?"
"I watched a video a father made of him and his son and I started crying because the whole video was the father talking and showing how much he outwardly loved and thought of his son. And, I started to cry... because I've never had a taste of that. I don't know... maybe I am exaggerating."
"Do you think you are exaggerating?"
"No... [cries]."
"Why do you think you have so much emotional pain?"
[cries] "I don't know..."
"Why do you think?"
"No one likes me..."
"But, you know that's not true..."
"No... no one really likes me; that's how it feels."
"Well, why do you feel that way?"
"I don't think anyone has ever really liked me or could ever like me."
"Do you think you are super-imposing that feeling on how others really feel about you?"
"No... I can't be liked."
"Why? Why are you so sure you can't be liked?"
"I'm ugly; I'm weird; I'm not interesting."
"And, what if you're wrong?"
"I'm right..."
"You seem to have a lot vested in being right about this; are you open to being wrong?"
"I don't [cries] know... what you mean..."
"Listen... I have noticed in you 3 virtues: you have [u]tenacity[/u] - you don't give up. You're [u]brave[/u] - you are willing to face your feelings. That's hardly ever easy. And, with all your self-doubt and anxiety, you have a quiet [u]confidence[/u]. I want you to think about those virtues and how you can use them."
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"Okay..."
[I cried some more and there were some more words that I don't recall right now. I left feeling exhausted and vulnerable. I went home and I remember crying gently at first and then in uncontrollable sobs before falling asleep...]
