I Am Prone to Dark Moods

I'm in a dark place again. Caught in a web of negativity and self hate, I can't break away. Every bad thought, every bad name clings to my mind. I fear they'll never let go. Like a small child hiding the covers, I close my eyes tightly, praying the monsters in my head go away. I want run, I want to hide. I want to catch up to the one that left me behind. I'm afraid of thinking, afraid of moving, afraid of talking. Talking about my worries, my concerns. I cover up how I'm really feeling with mindless chatter. I talk as if my words were only for the amusement of others. My mind races. I'm unfocused. As I sit still, I can feel my blood flowing, racing against my unwavering thoughts. Thoughts of failure, disappointment, discouragement, and defeat. I'm getting older, I shouldn't feel this way. I'm graduating college, I should be happy. I have good friends, I should be happy. I'm helping improve the lives of others as a social worker, I should be happy. My family is ok, I should be happy. I'm alive, I should be happy. I should be happy, but I'm not.