I Want to Talk About the Grieving Process
I was diagnosed four years ago with Stage 4 Chronic Lymphatic Leukemia. My cancer cells were further determined to be "unmutated." Though unmutated sounds good, it is actually very bad.
If the cancer cells are mutated, each cell is different and they don't proliferate very quickly. Ummutated cells are all the same and you basically have stem cancer cells reproducing very quickly. The median (average) survival rate for mutated CLL sufferers if untreated is about 30 years, while the median survival rate for unmutated CLL sufferers untreated is about 7 years. That's a big difference.
As soon as I got the diagnosis, I was on the internet, hungry for information. I got the diagnosis at a hospital in northern Michigan, got a second opinion at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, and got a third opinion at the James Cancer Center at Ohio State University in Columbus. I ultimately got into a clinical trial at Ohio State just under four years ago. The results have been fantastic.
However, as soon as I disclosed to family and friends the disease I had, everyone told me I must be grieving and explained about the five step grieving process. I did not feel like I was grieving, and the more I looked at the supposed steps, they made less and less sense to me.
When all of the clinical data says that I have CLL, what is the point of denial. I am a Christo-centric Quaker, while my wife is an Atheist. In either case, who or what - God or the Universe - am I supposed to be angry or bargain with. I quickly sw that the only step that was not a complete waste of time and energy was step five, Acceptance! Luckily, I felt this way from the beginning and was able to quickly obtain information and to enter a treatment program.
When I started the program, 76 percent of my immune cells were cancerous; now they are undetectable. There will always be a few floating around which
would rebound and proliferate if I stopped taking the pill I am given to test every day. I go there every 4th Monday, they draw blood and do other tests, give me 28 pills, and get me back on the road home.
If I had wasted my time denying, being angry, and bargaining, I could well be dead by now.
Once, in the early days of the trial, my wife went with me to Columbus. She has been a nurse for 38 years, and told me that the doctors might want me to quit work and to rest. At that time, I had been a truck driver/mover for 40 years. As it turned out, the doctors said staying active was the best thing I could do, and so I continued to work as a mover - while driving to Columbus once a month. Actually, in the first two months of the study, it was once a week. The drive is 480 miles each way, but - even with the gas, time, and wear on the car - that's a cheap payment for being able to continue to live.
Now, back to my wife's comment: I told her fine, "If they want me to retire, I'll use the time to write a book". She asked me what it would be called. I said "Skipping Steps One Through Four - Getting to Acceptance".
I personally believe that the supposed grieving process is a dangerous distraction from the process of accepting and learning to work with, if not cure, whatever Life and/or God had thrown at you. I believe that the supposed grieving process almost forced people to wast their time and energy which could be better used to face and battle the problems that face them.
Yours in Peace,
Quakertrucker
P. S.: Several years ago when, in my late fifties I had to choose a user name for the Internet, I picked Quakertrucker. I do so because I realized that with advanced age, dementia became a greater possibility. I figured that no matter how my memory became, I would never forget my religion or my occupation. Now, if I could only understand why the Internet no longer accepts Truckerquaker when I type it in.
If the cancer cells are mutated, each cell is different and they don't proliferate very quickly. Ummutated cells are all the same and you basically have stem cancer cells reproducing very quickly. The median (average) survival rate for mutated CLL sufferers if untreated is about 30 years, while the median survival rate for unmutated CLL sufferers untreated is about 7 years. That's a big difference.
As soon as I got the diagnosis, I was on the internet, hungry for information. I got the diagnosis at a hospital in northern Michigan, got a second opinion at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, and got a third opinion at the James Cancer Center at Ohio State University in Columbus. I ultimately got into a clinical trial at Ohio State just under four years ago. The results have been fantastic.
However, as soon as I disclosed to family and friends the disease I had, everyone told me I must be grieving and explained about the five step grieving process. I did not feel like I was grieving, and the more I looked at the supposed steps, they made less and less sense to me.
When all of the clinical data says that I have CLL, what is the point of denial. I am a Christo-centric Quaker, while my wife is an Atheist. In either case, who or what - God or the Universe - am I supposed to be angry or bargain with. I quickly sw that the only step that was not a complete waste of time and energy was step five, Acceptance! Luckily, I felt this way from the beginning and was able to quickly obtain information and to enter a treatment program.
When I started the program, 76 percent of my immune cells were cancerous; now they are undetectable. There will always be a few floating around which
would rebound and proliferate if I stopped taking the pill I am given to test every day. I go there every 4th Monday, they draw blood and do other tests, give me 28 pills, and get me back on the road home.
If I had wasted my time denying, being angry, and bargaining, I could well be dead by now.
Once, in the early days of the trial, my wife went with me to Columbus. She has been a nurse for 38 years, and told me that the doctors might want me to quit work and to rest. At that time, I had been a truck driver/mover for 40 years. As it turned out, the doctors said staying active was the best thing I could do, and so I continued to work as a mover - while driving to Columbus once a month. Actually, in the first two months of the study, it was once a week. The drive is 480 miles each way, but - even with the gas, time, and wear on the car - that's a cheap payment for being able to continue to live.
Now, back to my wife's comment: I told her fine, "If they want me to retire, I'll use the time to write a book". She asked me what it would be called. I said "Skipping Steps One Through Four - Getting to Acceptance".
I personally believe that the supposed grieving process is a dangerous distraction from the process of accepting and learning to work with, if not cure, whatever Life and/or God had thrown at you. I believe that the supposed grieving process almost forced people to wast their time and energy which could be better used to face and battle the problems that face them.
Yours in Peace,
Quakertrucker
P. S.: Several years ago when, in my late fifties I had to choose a user name for the Internet, I picked Quakertrucker. I do so because I realized that with advanced age, dementia became a greater possibility. I figured that no matter how my memory became, I would never forget my religion or my occupation. Now, if I could only understand why the Internet no longer accepts Truckerquaker when I type it in.
70-79, M
