I Struggle With Mental Illness

I am so tired of being this way.
Tired of hiding how I am really feeling on the inside and putting on a smile on the outside all the time and faking happiness. Sometimes I just want to let it all out and I don't even know how.

Thought I would try calling a mental health hotline today because I couldn't go in and see my therapist and let her know I am not doing so good, and the women on the hotline was useless.. just kept telling me to take my medication.. hmm yeah like I never already thought of that.

Cant tell my boyfriend, family or friends because they will overreact and it will just stress me out and I would just start overacting trying to convince them I am good.

I wish there was a way I could get these memories and feelings out of my head..

I know this probably makes no sense but I am just typing to get it out of my head

I just wish I wasn't me