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I Struggle With Mental Illness

I am so tired of being this way.
Tired of hiding how I am really feeling on the inside and putting on a smile on the outside all the time and faking happiness. Sometimes I just want to let it all out and I don't even know how.

Thought I would try calling a mental health hotline today because I couldn't go in and see my therapist and let her know I am not doing so good, and the women on the hotline was useless.. just kept telling me to take my medication.. hmm yeah like I never already thought of that.

Cant tell my boyfriend, family or friends because they will overreact and it will just stress me out and I would just start overacting trying to convince them I am good.

I wish there was a way I could get these memories and feelings out of my head..

I know this probably makes no sense but I am just typing to get it out of my head

I just wish I wasn't me
Friendship0nlyPlease · 31-35, F
Very relatable. Here if you want to talk about anything
PlumBerries · 31-35, F
Friendship0nlyPlease · 31-35, F
@PlumBerries youre welcome 😊
Doomflower · 41-45, M
It makes perfect sense. Sorry you're having a hard time.

Lately I have taken to reciting the litany against fear when I threaten to be overwhelmed. It isn't a cure but it helps.
PlumBerries · 31-35, F
@Doomflower thanks, I am glad you found something that helps ease the overwhelmed feelings you get
SW-User
Just know, that you're not alone. I deal with a mental illness and it is so tough some days! Just hang in there! I'm here if you need a friend!🤗🌼
PlumBerries · 31-35, F
@SW-User thank you, I hope you are doing okay 🤗
SW-User
@PlumBerries I'm doing good right now. I am on meds that I take daily and nightly. I'm pretty well even emotionally and physically. ☺💖
ArianaRose25 · 26-30
I have several of them. What do you have? maybe I can help. If you prefer, you can pm me. Sorry this is happening to you.
PlumBerries · 31-35, F
@ArianaRose25 social anxiety disorder, depression and ptsd.. thank you
SW-User
Oh Plum I'm sorry. That does make sense. Big hugs
PlumBerries · 31-35, F
thank you so much. I don't really like talking about it much. I wrote this now and hopefully soon I will go back to being cheerful. thank you though that means a lot to me
SW-User
@PlumBerries anytime Plum. You're a good person. Remember that above anything else.
PlumBerries · 31-35, F
thank you :)
Fungirlmmm · 51-55, F
Acknowledging this is normal at times and sending you big hugs.
PlumBerries · 31-35, F
@Fungirlmmm yeah and thank you 🤗
SW-User
Same. Im so sorry for you. It’s miserable. X
PlumBerries · 31-35, F
@SW-User same for you? if so I am sorry to hear that
SW-User
Yes. Thank you 💜 I don’t tell anyone even because no one cares. No one even understands. I get the hotline dumbass too. My therapist and “family “ suggest similar idiocy. They tell you stuff like suffering emotionally makes you stupid and you aren’t smart enough to know to do that. 🤗 @PlumBerries
SW-User
Just for today Plum. Tomorrow may be different. We always have hope xx
JavaJoe · 51-55, M
Knowing you as I do.... and seeing who you are - I never would have seen this coming! It puzzles me why some who “seem” to have such a good hand dealt to them - looks, love, job, success, etc... - can feel down. Obviously, I’m presuming depression, maybe I shouldn’t be? I hope you can get the memories out of your head too, because from what I see - your best years are still ahead. ;)
BalmyNites · F
Much love to you, hun 💜
PlumBerries · 31-35, F
@BalmyNites thank you :)
Ryannnnnn · 31-35, M
Ah I know it gets bad.

If you ever wanna unload or talk I lived with severe depression and bad anxiety for 10 years.
PlumBerries · 31-35, F
@Ryannnnnn thanks, I hope you are doing okay
Ryannnnnn · 31-35, M
@PlumBerries Finally on the other side of it now for real.
Same to you, chin up chuck

*hugs*
PlumBerries · 31-35, F
that's good to hear. maybe one day I will join you on that side
PlumBerries · 31-35, F
SW-User
snofan · M
It makes sense. Make time for you. When you can, do things that you love. Put yourself at the top of your list.
You will be okay.
This message was deleted by its author.
PlumBerries · 31-35, F
I hate hearing you had to go through all that though. thankfully you are ok and even more so you have a wonderful husband.

ehh I don't ever really vent. I cope with it all by acting like it all never happened and often at times I get flooded with negative feelings and cant act anymore and need a rest from it and I go on repeating that.. I don't like people worrying about me that in itself stresses me out. so acting happy all the time is the closest I got to venting in a weird way
TexChik · F
@PlumBerries I am always here for you if you decide you need to vent to someone who’s been through it ... 😉
PlumBerries · 31-35, F
thank you, that means a lot to me :)
I might take you up on that

 
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