I Am Running Away
Eleven years. That is how long it took me to get out of that place. That literally means that I have spent half my life dreaming of getting away... Running away.
I am far enough away to ensure that at least 19 years of my past can't catch up with me, but still in the same country. I still haven't escaped these last three years. Telling me, that I have not run far enough.
The coastal town to which I moved does provide me with a clean slate of sorts. I am new here. Almost no-one here knows me... Almost. I have outrun all of my ghosts but one. The one I cannot allow myself to run away from, despite knowing that he is my kryptonite. The scar he left hasn't healed - and won't heal - because I don't allow it. I keep torturing myself... Killing myself with you.
That is why I can't stop running now. Because I know that I haven't run far enough yet. And I need to run while I still can. Before my love for you immobilizes me again. And I know its unfair. But I know that I cannot run from the way I feel about you. So maybe running from you will be good enough. Maybe running from you will be far enough.
I am far enough away to ensure that at least 19 years of my past can't catch up with me, but still in the same country. I still haven't escaped these last three years. Telling me, that I have not run far enough.
The coastal town to which I moved does provide me with a clean slate of sorts. I am new here. Almost no-one here knows me... Almost. I have outrun all of my ghosts but one. The one I cannot allow myself to run away from, despite knowing that he is my kryptonite. The scar he left hasn't healed - and won't heal - because I don't allow it. I keep torturing myself... Killing myself with you.
That is why I can't stop running now. Because I know that I haven't run far enough yet. And I need to run while I still can. Before my love for you immobilizes me again. And I know its unfair. But I know that I cannot run from the way I feel about you. So maybe running from you will be good enough. Maybe running from you will be far enough.
31-35, F
