I Was Abused When I Was A Kid

My sister and I were talking about something from our childhood when things started to get a little dark for my taste. Looking back, I never realized that what happened to us was abuse. I always thought it was normal; to be cussed at, degraded, and physically hurt by our own parent. It really wasn't until I told a friend about this and got "Why are you laughing? That's not normal at all" as a reply that I realized everything was all wrong, and that I've been doing everything our dad did to us. I've been hurting the people I love with my words and actions, the same way [i]he[/i] did, and never noticed it. Really what made me cry was when my sister told me how she found a father's love in her teacher, because she had to learn it from someone other than our biological father.

It's difficult trying to unlearn all of the bad things I got from my dad. But I'm trying, because I don't want to end up like him, even though I'm already half-way there. It's frustrating when people would tell me to just fix myself already, as if it's something easy. As if I haven't been [i]trying[/i] for the past 4 years.

Perspectivedetective

It can be really hard picking out abuse when you're surrounded by folks who have suffered "worse" abuse, like sexual abuse from a parent or severe neglect. It wasn't until I spoke with my couples' therapist a dew years back and learned about "attachment wounds" that I began to realize my mother had abused me as a child. Physically and emotionally. I always knew she had hurt me, but Idk, it just never registered as abuse. I thought I deserved it for being a bratty kid. And it's had a severe impact I am still trying to escape. One of my biggest reservations on having kids is ending up behaving like my mom did towards me.

I'm glad to hear you're getting on the right track. It's tough. Growing up, I lashed out at everyone I loved and destroyed countless relationships with lots of thoughtless statements. Sorry to hear people are getting you down with their impatience. That shit doesn't just happen over night.

Here's hoping we don't become our parents, eh? Or if we do, that we are ourselves more than them.

Gelartsyyy · 22-25, F

@Perspectivedetective You don't know how much it means to me, finding out somebody relates to what I'm going through! It's the same for me, until now I'm finding it hard to convince myself that it was abuse. That they weren't just punishment because I was bratty or something.

It is tough, until now I've been losing the people who've done nothing but love and support me.

Yes, here's to hoping we end up as ourselves and not as people molded by our parents abuse. One thing I'm sure of, I'm never having kids until I get my shit together.

Pseudonym · 26-30, M

My father was and still is abusive. He is extremely manipulative, and both traits were amplified by his addiction to amphetamines throughout my childhood.

My sister, mum and I just lived with it for 19 years. But eventually forced him to leave. I think it's messed me up a bit, especially feeling powerless for so long, just taking it or watching it happen. The silver lining is that is that it made me conscientious of how my actions affect other people from a young age though. But he gets zero credit for that.