I do everything alone (going to the gym, playing disc golf, going out for a drink, going out to eat). I enjoy my time alone, but it gets old after a while. Throughout my life, I have had three friends. They were true friends. Those guys no longer have anything to do with me. I often wonder where I went wrong. I've always gone out of my way to be good to people, especially my friends. My generosity has often been referred to as "a bit much." Here I am, 32 years old, and I have nothing to show for it. Of course I blame myself. I tend to blame myself for everything. I'm reluctant to find new friends. I worry they'll ditch me like the others did. As far as dating goes, I'm not ready to do that. My wife died a few years ago. As weird as it sounds, I'm still in love with her. It's not right to start dating someone when I'm still in love with someone else. My family keeps pressuring me into finding a girlfriend. Some of them were nowhere to be found when my wife died. Life has been depressing. It's somewhat refreshing to know that it will eventually end.