I Am Feeling Sad

That kind of betrayal has taken a lot of work for me to get past, for I, too, have had such an encounter. It sure makes a person feel worthless and powerless. I know that he is suffering, though, and he wanted to take me down with him. Wanted me to pine after his unanswered silence. Sometimes I do wish for the courtesy of closure, but I am beyond it all. I have grown an incredible amount since then, and I do not think someone who willingly leaves things unfinished can ever find that kind of growth or closure on their own because they don't break the pattern that causes the illusion of comfort.

We have no illusions. That is why it is so painful to be left like that. We face the horrors of isolation and trust destroyed, and we recover. And in the end, we know how strong we truly are, even if we still feel weak, because we survived.

@AnnaKarenina: you are wise beyond your years dear. Well said. Sadly I was badly broken when he got his hooks in me. Now I am as broken as a person can be and won't ever be whole. He was a vicious predator. A wolf in sheep's clothing targeting sick vulnerable people like me.

@Temperance: Thank you, but I think I am just good with words. Anyone can appear wise online :P I'm sorry you're going through such a terrible experience. I read some of your stories, and I'm wondering if you met him online? As I've said, it's incredibly easy to create illusions online. That's how I met the person who did so many awful things to me. I met him on ExperienceProject. He's the one who sounds sick and vulnerable, if you ask me. Sick enough to prey on people, and sick enough to run away from people when things are difficult. The person I was with online lied about many, many things to me. Even though I met him, and some of the lies came out, I never found out the truth. And then I was trolled online by him and his new EP girlfriend when I thought I had put it past me a year before.

I think that the internet is a great tool for gaining knowledge, but very few people actually use it for such. Instead, it breeds predators who are social deviants looking for easy, weak victims. I wish I could convince you that you will be whole again. I do not know how long it has been since this happened to you, but it took me years to move past it all (mainly because I was harassed online by them for a good 8 months long after the breakup). What you need most is self love, but I know saying this to people who lack self love tends to make them feel worse :/ Probably because I don't know how to help someone love themselves. If only it were that easy. It might not be easy, but what good things are? Rare treats? Luck? You sound like I did, though, and I got past it, so I believe you will too.

@AnnaKarenina: thanks. I don't think he has trolled me although there have been times I have suspected I was talking to him but he was not wanting me to know it was him but then I am nuts. I haven't seen him for well over a year and a half and am sick of talking about him honestly. Your post just made me think of it all. He is sick and I don't care whay happens to him.

@Temperance: It just takes time. I'm glad my post was of use to you. If it helps even further, after spending years meditating, writing, and trying to figure out what I wanted from life, I found someone good for me. I am very, very glad I did not end up with the person who left me. He didn't have life aspirations. Didn't seem to have dreams of a better life. He wasn't a dreamer, and now I have a dreamer. I wish you luck and healing energy!

@AnnaKarenina: thank you so much. I need a lot of healing energy.