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I Push People Away

Painfully Ironic... I have a really bad habit of pushing people away in my life with an ungodly intent.  I am good at it becuase I can use words to cause destruction in the most henious way possible.  I don't do it usually unless I've been hurt, but if I have, watch out as there's no limit to my wrath sometimes.  I always regret it a day or two later and feel really bad about it, but it's always too late to fix it.  It's a defense mechanism I learned when I was growing up.  I can rarely fight it away as it comes out so easy and happens so fast.  And because if it, I have no one left in my life.  Deep down inside I'm thinking 'get away, get out of my life so you cannot hurt or cause harm anymore' and I succeed in that.  The most painful part and most ironic is it's always someone I truly love.


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I let people in easily but it's an egg shell of an experience. The slightest crack and my defense kicks in and pushes as hard as it can back out. I love breaking thru that barrier with someone tho and I have zero malicious intent. I'm very sensitive & kind to other's intimate personalities and I'd rather know someone at their core than superficially.