I Feel Like I Have No Emotions

I'm on the brink of shutting down my emotions.
Its strange, this is the first time my mind has actually given me a conscious choice to feel or not to feel.
Usually, when anything becomes intense good or bad, I just shut off.
I'm thinking about shutting off the part of my mind that has crushes.
I really like this dude, but my mind hates him because I'm becoming closer to him.
I met this really cool guy last night and part of me says hes my new prospect and I can just abandon all feelings for dude.

I need to be wise. Even if having a crush hurts like this, I cant just hop off of it out of fear and then hop to the next cool guy. I will just end up in a never ending cycle of running away from emotional intimacy.

I just need to let it flow. If I like this new cool guy as well, than so be it. I need to remind myself I am not in danger of getting hurt right now.

I am such a hopeless romantic. Its as if my feelings never cease, but they are always dead.

PhoenixPhail · M

Sounds like you've gotten yourself in a loop, like the guy who runs down the beach to jump in the ocean, then, when a wave comes in, he runs back up the beach to avoid it. There must be some programming in you that's keeping you in this holding pattern, keeping you from diving into your never-ending feelings. Take a look at your history, at some event or events in which you were afraid to feel, something that trained you to go the other way when you had strong romantic feelings. I think you'll find the answer there.