I Feel Like I Have No Emotions

I'm on the brink of shutting down my emotions.
Its strange, this is the first time my mind has actually given me a conscious choice to feel or not to feel.
Usually, when anything becomes intense good or bad, I just shut off.
I'm thinking about shutting off the part of my mind that has crushes.
I really like this dude, but my mind hates him because I'm becoming closer to him.
I met this really cool guy last night and part of me says hes my new prospect and I can just abandon all feelings for dude.

I need to be wise. Even if having a crush hurts like this, I cant just hop off of it out of fear and then hop to the next cool guy. I will just end up in a never ending cycle of running away from emotional intimacy.

I just need to let it flow. If I like this new cool guy as well, than so be it. I need to remind myself I am not in danger of getting hurt right now.

I am such a hopeless romantic. Its as if my feelings never cease, but they are always dead.